The Double Life of An Empath

If you are an Empath there is a good chance you go through life feeling like you lead a double life. Because, quite often, you find yourself wearing a ‘mask of compliance’ when spending time with certain others.

Wearing a mask is a common theme with all humans and not just the Empaths. I recently read that the Japanese believe people have three faces: The face we show the world, the face we show our family and close friends, and the face we show no one. It is our hidden face which is apparently our truest reflection.

As Empaths, we often slip on our ‘muggle face’ when out in public, or even with close friends and family, as a way to better fit in or so as not to stir up emotions in others by discussing our feelings, true thoughts and ‘knowledge’. We may rarely get the chance to display our ‘magical Empath face’ for the fact we know, or feel,  it won’t be accepted by those in our company. For some Empaths, the only time they get to be their true self is when at home or when alone.

Now, considering the fact most Empaths detest being around inauthenticity,  we could be accused of being disingenuous or even cowardly for not openly and publicly displaying our true selves (explaining to others what we feel and know). But there is a very good reason we hide our truths… and it’s not just to protect ourselves.

When we awaken as an Empath a new world, which had been previously invisible to us, is gradually revealed. Not only do we come to embrace and appreciate our unusual traits—traits that set us apart from others—but we start experiencing more synchronicities, develop greater intuition and discover a new outlook on life. Everything we ever experienced emotionally and physically, when around people, finally makes sense. We understand our need for time alone, why we feel such crazy energy when in busy places, and why we experience such overpowering emotions when with certain people. We come to accept our ‘inner-Knowing’ as the pervasive guiding force it is and stop fighting or ignoring the strong intuition that comes with it.

‘Yes’, we holler, ‘Empath life is a very real phenomenon. We are not the only ones!’

We may become so excited by our newfound knowledge that we want to shout it from the rooftops! Tell the world who we are, what we know, feel, see and intuit. We have an explanation for all the inexplicable things we’ve experienced, throughout life, and we want to share it with anyone who will listen… Sadly, this intense enthusiasm, to share our new findings, is often short-lived. We quickly come to understand it is no easy feat discussing the ways of an Empath with muggles. Discovering who we are, it would seem, was the easy part of the journey!

Oh, we may try to explain what we now know about our traits to others. The reasoning behind our Empath ways is so simple to us why wouldn’t anyone else understand? But when we try to describe ourselves, to those we know and love, we are greeted with drooping jaws, wide eyes and blank expressions. How is it something we were so excited to learn about, which we found to be extraordinary and magical, holds no interest or is unbelievable to others?

It quickly becomes obvious that people find it difficult to believe what they don’t understand or experience themselves. If it’s not being openly discussed or acknowledged on the ‘News at Ten’, in the media or everyday social settings it can’t be real. It’s just too weird or ‘woo-woo!’

That is not to say no one accepts our Empath traits. There are some who are very understanding and accepting, but it is not the majority. We soon come to understand whom we can discuss our ways with, and those with whom we should keep a zipped mouth, by the way they feel to us.

Empaths like to live authentically and liberated. It feels uncomfortable to keep our ‘Knowing’ to ourselves. But it is also painful to open up to another, about our Sensitive ways, only to be rejected or ridiculed. However, whether we are aware of it or not, we hold ourselves back from revealing our truths, to others, not just as a way to protect ourselves from rejection but as a way to make the lives of others more comfortable.

An Empath is always concerned about how another feels and what impact our words have on them. The last thing we want to do is cause discomfort or freak anyone out by our ‘energy-sensing’ revelations. It is part of our ‘inbuilt’ nature to be protective of others.


So, although we may dislike not being ‘open’ we soon learn that it is ok. As long as we try to be our best selves and we work to understand who we are as an Empath and why we are here, we shouldn’t worry about keeping this knowledge from others.

Everyone has faces they show the world at different times for different reasons. Instead of feeling frustrated about not feeling free to reveal your inner Empath you could channel your energy into something else like:

  • Uncover your purpose. Discover new passions and set out to achieve your dream life.
  • Enhance your power by tuning into the energy of gratitude: The energy of gratitude is one of the most powerful energies you have access to (It’s a love frequency). It is uplifting and has the most magical transformative effect on those who embrace it.
  • Be the change see the change: When you work to change yourself, for the better, this energy goes out into the world and a better life comes back to you.

I am a big believer that the discomfort we experience in life propels us forward. It is through suffering we have the greatest opportunity for expansion… Even if this suffering comes from, seemingly, living a double life! When we work through vulnerabilities and uncover our truth we grow exponentially. Our truth is for us. No one else need know. Although it is incredibly cathartic to to express oneself freely, it has to feel right to us when we do.

Hope all is keeping well in your Empath world.


Until next time.


©Diane Kathrine





28 thoughts on “The Double Life of An Empath

  1. Hello Diane,
    It is the first time I read anything about empathy, witch I have been since always, it is interesting to read other empaths in puts. I have always have fallowed my intuition, without thinking or intentions have help people who literally with their body lenguages have been asking for help, I only act upon request, as people whats help but doesn’t know who to ask, what to ask, or if they are going to listen, some how I know. I only have to asked couple of questions and a whole process of healing, helping, listening and gratitude, fills the space and ourselves. I’m grateful and seeking for my true path in life. Blessings to all

    Diana Galicia

  2. Absolutely spot on! I am a recently revealed Empath (to myself), and EVERYTHING just makes sense now. I feel SO happy about it and am growing acutely aware of what’s happening to me on a daily basis. I have opened up to only a few people (pre discovery) and have said exactly some of the things you’ve said. -wearing masks in particular. And that I’ve never felt ‘normal’ and I have always felt out of the box, but have had several masks to put on to blend in. A huge part of my brain screams at me that I’m being an idiot (logical side I call it) but the more I learn the more sense it makes and I can’t believe that I’ve closed myself off to it all for so long. Pandora’s box was cracked and I couldn’t get the lid back on. I even described it as I feel like there was this huge rush of information coming in… and I just can’t decifer what it means… like different languages! – a very spiritual friend of ours even said “yes because your an empath!” ..and I had shrugged it off as mumbo-jumbo because my logical side just said so. How wrong I was.

    I am reading a lot and learning more each and everyday, and it feels so right! -thank you for your help in my journey, I finally found the box where I belong!

  3. Hi Diane, I loved your text. Fortunately, I find being an empath rewarding: I am a Reiki therapist and I realized that, during therapy, this empathic gift enables me to connect with people in a very intense way and it brings about a beneficial effect. I don´t need to explain: “hey, I am an empath!“ It just happen and creates an special link.
    Hugs from México.

  4. So true! I live two different lives, at points even three. It’s hard to keep my true self hidden but I know, from past experience, not many people understand. I am an INFJ and introvert as well so at times things are very hard to cope with. I do my best and try to get the alone time I need. When I am alone after being around lots of people and noise all it feels like I have a hangover. I call it my empathic hangover. The one person I talk to about it all gets it. I love reading your posts and have two of your books. Look forward to reading the others. They give me lots of hope that I can get better control over all this. 🙂

    • Thanks Wandering Soul,

      That just made me chuckle. I too suffer from Empath hangovers. In fact, I’m suffering with one today after attending a charity event last night. I used to blame it on alcohol, but now I no longer drink I can clearly see it’s a direct result of being ‘peopled’.

      Thanks for sharing

      • this made me laugh. I no longer drink either but wondered recently if I had sucked up peoples energy who were drinking. And I felt hungover the next day from something. What a life-lol

  5. Thank you very much your caring words have sprinkled hope on a much needed heart. Sweet dreams to those and blessed wished to all. Thank you Diane. Debbie 😌

  6. Diane as per usual this article is spot on! Thanks for continuing to share with all of us, it makes me feel there is a community of people like myself out there. The hardest part I have found is sharing who I am or what I believe with the wrong people. Sometimes I want to believe others have the same heart as me and so I can speak openly. This has got me into a bit of trouble in the past and often shows me who my friends really are- sometimes things are even used against me. What a learning experience! This year I had felt like giving up on people for the shame that I have felt, but I am trying to change my outlook and find what the experience has taught me or is trying to teach me. Love to you Diane!!

    • You’re very welcome, Danielle.

      And that is a beautiful gift to have: ‘believing others have the same heart as you’. It shows you are seeing the best in others as well as the spark of light that connected us all (before beliefs and brain washing caused the separation). I’m sure you will soon come to see what a rare and exceptional trait you have which hopefully will override any unnecessary shame you felt.

      Thanks for sharing. 🙂

  7. Thanks for sharing. I feel relieved when knowing that I am not alone. Being an empath is not easy and even harder for someone who surrounding by people with conservative mind.

  8. I’ve read your books and blogs. Thank you is not enough to say how helpful they are…and in an attempt to not sound cliche you are helping so many people, myself included. I share your work with others, encouraging them to read and find the answers to the questions they didn’t even realize they had. With great gratitude and blessings to all the work you’ve done and the work yet to be created. We all can’t wait.

  9. I needed that validation on not being able to be fake-its a go along to get along world. Once I put boundaries into place, became more authentic my family & life long friends didn’t understand my new behavior & it ended relationships or caused distance. I’m misunderstood on all levels & seen as hard to get along with. So I came out of the empath closet. If they’re interested they’ll research it but, at least I explained. Seems the more you evolve the lonelier it is-a dbl edged sword. I’d like to see more writing on making new friends & starting romantic relationships. And how you explain who you are & your limitations/tolerance levels.

    • Agreed. The more we evolve, the more aware we become and the further we drift from those who are not awake. Sometimes the distance gets too great to go back.

      I do intend to write more about simplifying the ways to explain our Empath ways but, as you know, it is a grey area. People see, hear and accept only what they want to see, hear and accept. And the divide between those who are willing to listen and learn about traits they don’t recognize or ways they cannpt understand, and those who won’t is, presently, becoming wider. To say we are in some incredibly challenging times would definitely be an understatement. 😉

      Thanks for sharing, Ronda. 🙂

      • My willingness has set me adrift for most of my life. I chose to disregard my gift to make others around me happy. However I was wrong. Not disrespectful just Wrong. I chose to wait and I chose isolation to raise my child in a loveless marriage. As an Empath this is easy to put others first over your own happiness. Sad. Again I chose WRONG! My child is and has been unhappy seeing her mother unloved. Wow! I’m left scratching my head with a shock to the heart. I’m reaching for answers I’m reaching for love I’m reaching for life! Debbie

      • The seemingly continuous search for answers is very much part of the Empath journey; as is putting the needs of others first. This is when our Knowing is there to serve. Our intuition will guide us to the answers and find the right path (the right path is often not the comfortable path), when we tune in. However, sometimes even the wrong decisions can serve us in incredible ways (when we learn and grown from them).

        Best of luck to you and thanks for sharing. 🙂

      • Thanks Diane,
        Yes to say we are living in challenging times is an understatement. I have not been able to sleep. I feel like a pall of heightened unease has fallen over my daily life, and of course, I can’t share it with anyone because no one else is feeling it like me.

      • You’re very welcome, Bobbi.

        Yes, we are in the midst of some crazy, crazy times.

        As Empaths, when we feel all this wired, chaotic energy, being projected into the world, that fries the brain, steals our sleep and plays havoc with the solar plexus and heart centres (and the parts they govern) it can feel so isolating when we have no one to compare notes with. Knowing we are not alone, in what we are enduring, certainly offers comfort and makes the journey more bearable.

        I am in the midst of writing a post on the subject (started writing 2 separate posts at the same time, go figure), which I hope to get out shortly.

        Thanks for sharing. 🙂

  10. It’s terribly hard to keep my mouth zipped because my expressions speak a thousand words. This journey is more than most could bare and yet grinning and baring is what I am challenged with. It seems this is my crossroads and I will strive to smile and brace whatever life throws at me. Knowledge is power but knowing is difficult. God Bless and thank you.

  11. This is so unbelievably true for me! I was reading it with a huge grin on my face. It’s great to know someone else has been through the same rollercoaster ride of the excitement, followed by the crush of other people’s non-excitement 😉 Thanks for sharing this Diane x

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