Facing the Empath’s Shadow Side

A couple of posts ago, I discussed how an Empath is often painted as the villain. Today, I want to discuss a similar subject but from another perspective: The Empath’s shadow side.

The shadow side may sound like something devious that drives a person to do dark and dastardly deeds; but it is mostly the source of great emotional pain, especially within an Empath.

What is an Empath’s Shadow Side?

Basically, a shadow side within an Empath is the same as within anyone else: it is the unresolved issues, emotional pain and insecurities, buried deep within, that can affect our behaviour and outlook on life. The side we don’t always know how to deal with.

I also mentioned in my last post how many Empaths are continually working on themselves to become healthier, happier and all-round better people. The shadow side, however, is often the last thing we want to address.

It is in the things that hurt us or that which we hide from where we will find our shadow.

Most of us have a side that we keep hidden from the rest of the world and even from ourselves. Hiding from our shadow side could be likened to wearing a mask, to conceal something that we consider either too ugly to be seen or too painful to be confronted.

The Japanese believe that everyone has three faces: The face we show the world, the face we show our family and close friends, and the face we show no one. It is our hidden face which is our truest reflection and hides our deepest discomforts. Wearing a mask, to conceal one’s shadow side, is the way many live and is often considered the norm.

Revealing the Cause

A good way to reveal the shadow is looking at what hurts you most. Is it rejection or not being accepted? Could it be people taking advantage of your kind nature? or perhaps not being able to connect with others? Whatever it is, you will generally find the origins of this hurt in your childhood.

Sensitive people are impacted their whole life by the inconsiderate or cruel behaviour of certain individuals from their childhood: The school bully, an angry teenage sibling, an unaware teacher, etc. If something cruel and uncalled for was said or done to you as a child, a seed was planted, creating the roots of the shadow to build.

Hiding from one’s truth may seem like a contradiction on the part of an Empath. Especially considering that most Empaths tend to detest inauthenticity. Wouldn’t hiding a part of ourselves be classed as living in an inauthentic way…? Yes and no.

There is a good reason an Empath may hide the truth of themselves from certain people, and it’s not always to get them to like us.

When we awaken as an Empath, a new way of life is gradually revealed. Not only do we come to embrace and appreciate our unusual traits – traits that set us apart from others – but we start experiencing more synchronicities, we develop greater intuition and discover a new outlook. Everything we have experienced when around people, emotionally and physically, finally makes sense. We understand our need for time alone, why we feel crazy energy when in busy places, and why we experience overpowering emotions when with certain persons. We also come to understand the deeper layers of human nature.

Once awake, we see that most people only see things from their own perspective. The majority don’t have the ability to see the world in 3D, like many Empaths do, and therefore cannot get on board with our way of thinking or relate to the experiences we endure. Because of this awareness, we become vigilant of protecting our space and are hesitant of opening up… We also don’t like burdening others with our troubles.

One thing the ‘Empath Awakening’ doesn’t do is take away our woes. In some cases, we become more sensitive and feel emotions more intensely. We thus hide from our shadow side to protect ourselves from experiencing more pain.

The truth is, avoidance just prolongs the discomfort.

Humans are hardwired into avoiding pain. It is a form of self-protection. ‘Escapism of feeling’ is often done through suppressants such as food, alcohol or drugs, etc.

This never works.

Suppressants just numb or mask the pain for a while. They act like a distraction; taking our attention away from that which needs addressing.

Confrontation

Some believe that by confronting their shadow-side it will cause too much heartache; hoping that avoidance will offer the ‘easier ride’. Which is understandable.

Sadly, when we choose the ‘easy route’ in life, it rarely turns out to be the comfortable journey we wanted, especially when we are avoiding doing something we know we should do.

One of the simplest ways to face the shadow side is by admitting to our insecurities, or that which hurts us.

Admitting that we have been hurt by our past and that we are ready to let it go brings the pain out of the shadows. When facing our ‘inner-demons’, we take away their power.

That said, it is not always possible to remove all the buried pain of the shadow side. Some pain is hardwired and is part of us for a reason. It shapes us in many ways; allowing us to empathize at a deeper level.

When we accept that ‘emotional pain’ has a purpose on this journey and is not just some unfair burden that we were unfortunate enough to be saddled with, it automatically lessens the impact.

Calming the Shadow

Another aspect of working towards balance is to avoid anything which unnecessarily activates ingrained mood-memories created by the shadow.

Mood-memories are the go-to moods, initially activated by the pain body, that we hang out in when feeling low or when in a dark mental space. I find two of the biggest triggers being diet and people (and hormone fluctuations).

Diet

By eating foods that influence the hormones in a negative way, it not only lowers our vibration and slows us down, it also impacts moods. This has bearings on wellbeing and initiates dark emotions to be roused or remembered. Wheat and sugar being two of the biggies (read more here). Meat also plays its part with many Empaths (this post explains more).

Uncovering food triggers is an essential part of preventing activation of mood memory.

People 

The type of people who become pain prompters for an Empath are those who hide their truth and pretend to be something they’re not. Basically, anyone who lives a big lie. Not just by lying to themselves, in hiding from their pain, but lying in their words, actions and energy. Those who hurt others with their disregard and those who hide their shadow behind their ego can act like triggers (read more here).

Just by spending too much time in the presence of anyone who carries the above traits could activate mood-memories.

Face the Pain

Facing hidden emotional pain frees us from it.

Self-confrontation may seem like a scary option, but it is the only way to release the emotional shackles of the shadow. If we have hidden insecurities, we continue to suffer, and we will continue to draw to us those who play on these weaknesses (law of attraction).

The shadow side offers incredible lessons and serves us in many ways; but until we face it or at least admit to it, our actions and emotions will be determined by its sway.

I will be discussing this subject from another perspective in my next post, so be sure to look out for it.

Hope this helps on your journey.

Until next time

Diane

©Diane Kathrine

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Are Empaths Prone to a Negativity Addiction?


I was having a conversation with a friend the other day about addictions. We were discussing the fact there are so many addictions that we are not aware of, or how they impact our lives.

When we think of addictions, we often just think about the ones related to drugs or alcohol, but there are countless more.  

We get addicted to wheat, sugar, certain chemicals in foods, caffeine, sports, social media… But the addictions that are quietly destructive to our health and happiness are our addictions to negativity.

I have written in-depth about negativity addictions in my book: Become a Super-Empowered Empath, but not so much in blog posts. So, I hope to address that here.

The media knows that people have a natural draw towards negativity, because of our negativity bias. They play on this, to keep us coming back to their sites.

I often write about the importance of Empaths avoiding media outlets because of the strife it stirs up, and because it creates negative emotions.

Negative emotions give the body a rush of hormones that become addictive. That’s why so many people become hooked on having traumas and problems in their lives. These traumas fuel the brain with a hit of some of its favourite drugs: the stress hormones cortisol and adrenaline.

We read a lot about becoming addicted to dopamine, but we don’t see much about addictions to the stress hormones. But they are equally as damaging.

When the brain or body is addicted to certain stress hormones, it is much harder to recognize than with other addictions. But if not addressed, this dependence becomes the pathway to an unhappy life.

Although I have known many who have a penchant for negativity, there was one particular person I knew, who was heavily addicted (and probably still is). I will call her Shirley.

Shirley would create reasons to be angry and dissatisfied with her life, including anyone in it. She had a very one-tracked mind and would not allow herself to see anything but negativity in a situation. She pushed many people away because of her dark ramblings. Not intentionally though. Anyone who spent time with her, found themselves being dragged into wrathful discussions which would leave them feeling flat and depressed.

She blamed everyone else for her life not being the way she wanted. Shirley expected others to change for her, but not to make any changes for herself. Because she secretly thrived on negativity, she continued to draw into her life more reasons to be negative (law of attraction).

Shirley allowed negativity to make her bitter and vengeful. But that wasn’t who she was deep down. She had a kind side that got squeezed out by the darkness she allowed to grow within.

Her desire for drama was fuelled by her body/brain’s need for stress hormones. Her negativity addiction did so much damage to her life. She refused to address it or see it as being problematic, because she secretly thrived on it. Negativity became her purpose. It was an addiction that she became afraid to live without.

I’m sure every one of you reading this has come across a ‘Shirley’ in your life.

I’m not for a moment suggesting that an Empath is destined to become like Shirley. I wanted to show an extreme example of negativity addiction. However, Empaths are at risk of becoming hooked on the stress hormones stirred up by negativity.

The reason you may not consciously be aware that you are addicted to stress hormones, is because they are activated without you necessarily taking part. And what I mean by this is, the brain will be doing the work.

Once addicted, your brain will work to activate your body into releasing stress hormones by drawing your attention to anything that it knows will make you react.

Picking up and feeling other people’s stress or emotions is also a way your hormones can be triggered. Another is having had experienced trauma in childhood (the memories continue to activate stress hormones throughout life).

A negativity addiction can be at work without you even leaving your home or coming into contact with others. When not around people, stress hormones are activated mostly through the thought process.

After giving up many addictive things, I know exactly how tricky addictions are, especially with the brain. It is not until we give something up for a period of time that we see just how our choices and thoughts were governed by addiction.

With any addiction, we have to see it for ourselves.

If you suspect you have an addiction to negativity, and are therefore drawing more negativity into your life (like attracts like), you have to stay vigilant of knowing when your hormones are being spiked. You normally recognise this by the discomfort around the gut or chest area. It may feel like a burning sensation or a sense of dread.

As soon as you feel this, act immediately with a distraction so that your thoughts don’t get involved. Thoughts feed emotions. Emotions feed thoughts. Emotions are fuel for your stress hormones. You have a seventeen second window before thoughts take over and you become hostage within your own head. This post may help with distraction.

So, yes, Empaths are prone to having negativity addictions and this is because we tend to feel everything so powerfully. But there is always light at the end of the tunnel. Often when we become aware of a problem within, it is half way to overcoming it.

Hope this helps on your journey.

9 Reasons Empaths Should Avoid Negative People

Until next time…

Diane

©Diane Kathrine

 

 

 

The Reason This One Thing Is So Important For An Empath

 

Do you know one of the worst things for your Empath health…?

Stress!

Most Empaths know when they are experiencing stress, but they may have no idea how much of this stress is held within their muscles. Which, over time, becomes incredibly problematic to the way you show up in the world.

Our muscles are constantly stimulated through the stresses of modern life, and that’s not to mention the impact of ‘people stress.’ Because of this, even in sleep, the muscles don’t fully relax… Which, as you can probably imagine, is not good for Empath health!

Even when we think we are relaxing, we often aren’t. The TV programs we watch in the evening can have the effect of firing up the mind, which stimulates the muscles, further tensing them, and even reading certain books can put the nerves (and muscles) on edge.

Pained emotions, either your own or those you pick up throughout the day from others, are also stored within the muscles.

Stressed Muscles Leads to a Stressed Empath Mind!

Whilst reading this you will be holding tension somewhere in your body. Your forehead might be rouched,  your eyes might be squinting, your shoulders might be hunched or your wrists extended back, your legs, hips or back might be in an awkward position, all creating pressure in your muscles and joints.

We could go through the entire body, but I think it’s safe to say you are holding muscle tension somewhere.

So Why is This Such a Bad Thing?

When your muscles are constantly contracted, they are fuelling the sympathetic nervous system (fight or flight). Not only is this depleting the body of vital energy, that most can ill-afford to lose, but it is also prematurely ageing, it raises blood pressure, lowers the immune system and unnecessarily heightens Empath stress.

What To Do About It

By training the muscles to soften and loosen, through relaxation, it switches on the parasympathetic nervous system. This in turn, slows the breathing, lowers blood pressure, initiates deep relaxation of body and mind, and allows healing to occur.

One of the best and easiest ways to get a muscle to relax is to tense it first.

If you’ve ever been in a yoga class and the teacher asked you to tense all the muscles in your body before relaxation, it was to aid in releasing any held tension and to allow you to relax more deeply. Here are just some of the benefits:

Relaxation Benefits

  • Reduces fatigue
  • Anti-ageing
  • Lowers blood pressure
  • Boosts the immune system
  • Induces restful sleep
  • Allows for muscle regeneration
  • Switches on the parasympathetic nervous system
  • Promotes mind stillness
  • Aides in general well-being.

It is said that the relaxation, at the end of a yoga class, is the most beneficial part of the practice. Not only is it time for the body to rest, but it’s the time the benefits of yoga practise are fully integrated.

Relaxation can be done at anytime of day but it is great to do at bedtime or after exercise.

Here’s an Easy Muscle-Tensing Technique:

  • Lie on the floor or a bed (for anyone suffering back problems: a bolster or cushion under the knees is helpful).
  • Starting at the feet, tense them for five to ten seconds then release.
  • Work up through the limbs, torso and face, tensing and relaxing each body part in turn (great distraction for the mind if you can’t sleep).
  • Finally, clench the body tight for five to tense seconds, then completely relax and go floppy.
  • Stay for a while in this deep state of stillness.

If time is short, you could tense the lower part of the body first, then the upper half, finishing on the face.

Not only does the above exercise promote relaxation but it also aids in stilling the mind.

If, as an Empath, you suffer any kind of stress conditions or chronic fatigue, doing full-body muscle tensing and relaxation is a great help to your overall well-being.

So, now you have no excuse not to spend more time relaxing. Give yourself permission to switch off and chill those muscles. It is super-beneficial for a happy, healthy life.…

If you are suffering a lot of emotional stress, you may find this post on Essential Oils for the Empath beneficial.

Hope this helps on your journey…

Until next time

Diane

©Diane Kathrine at Empaths Empowered

Are Empaths Destined to Suffer Loneliness?


Are Empaths prone to loneliness?

I recently read a blog post, by Mark Sisson, regarding loneliness and how it has become near epidemic levels.

The article discussed how loneliness is perceived as a weakness and is something we don’t openly talk about in society, which is certainly true.

Loneliness can also occur when people feel like they don’t fit into life, as so many Empaths do. Feeling ‘different’ often leads to a sense of isolation.

To admit to being lonely is often seen as too shameful. It’s as though anyone admitting to loneliness is admitting to failure in life.

People may also not want to admit to being lonely because of the worry of what others think. The fear that being lonely might show one to be unpopular, with a lack of friends, might hold some back from discussing it. Which is ridiculous when you think about it. Someone can have many friends and family members, yet still feel lonely.

They say that loneliness is worse for the health than smoking; which makes sense. Anything that detrimentally weakens the emotional health is damaging to the physical.

The fact that loneliness has become an epidemic, and is now so famous, should not come as a surprise. People are so self-absorbed these days. Because everyone is kept super-busy with work commitments, family life, social media or just trying to figure out existence, they don’t always have time for others.
Continue reading

All Empaths Should Avoid Unnecessary Negativity

Following on from my post last week regarding the law of attraction (click here to read, otherwise this one may not make sense), I agree that negative experiences are an essential part of life and growth. I have written about this many times before in both my books and posts.

I know if I hadn’t experienced dark times, I would not have pushed myself forward to be where I am now. Many good things come out of negative situations. I am a big believer in that. Continue reading

Does An Empath Have A Disadvantage With The Law Of Attraction?

Today’s post is about an interesting comment I received on the last post I shared.

When I first read the following comment, my initial reaction was this was a negative response. It ruffled my feathers. I wasn’t sure what it was about. But I then realized there was a reference to the law of attraction in my last post. (Read my last post here).

Here is the comment:

Thinking negatively is absolutely essential if we are to change ourselves. Without negativity there is literally no driving force for change. Shame, depression, despair, sadness, anxiety, disillusionment, guilt, aloneness, self-doubt, self-dissatisfaction, feelings of inferiority etc. force self-aware individuals with a conscience to do better (‘the Theory of Positive Disintegration’, analogous to ‘the dark night of the soul’).

The ‘law of attraction’ – as it’s widely understood – is hogwash. Poor and sick people didn’t set out to be poor and sick people, and thinking happy-clappy thoughts won’t make their reality any nicer. Also, bad things happen to good people, and as well as that all sorts of low-life try to attack good people (where’s the ‘law of attraction’ in that?) There isn’t one genuinely spiritual person who hasn’t gone through an utterly miserable time from others.

Where the ‘law of attraction’ becomes even more pernicious is with new-age internet scammers who tell their victims that the ‘get rich quick’ schemes they bought into didn’t succeed because ‘they weren’t thinking positively enough’.

As I pondered my reply, I realized it would be a lengthy one. So, I decided it was a good opportunity to write a post about it instead, because a) I agree with the comment, and b) because I don’t agree with it and c) because I realize many Empaths may be of the same mind, (and d) because anything that ruffles my feathers is drawing my attention to something that needs addressing). Continue reading

This is Incredible!

Just a quick one today.

As it’s new year and we all have intentions of becoming healthier and happier, I’ve decided to do a fantastic offer on Kindle Countdown for all you lovely Empaths. For 2 days you can get the Empath Eating plan for $1.26. Yes, that’s right, only $1.26. The price will gradually increase until it goes back to full list price on 16th January 2019.

You can click here to have a quick read through of the first part of the book, to see if the information is for you. Remember it’s only for 2 days that the price will be so low. Continue reading

Unplug from the Energy of Others

bench nature love people

Do you know how to unplug from the energy of others?

Would you like to find out how?

This is a very important subject for an Empath, because if we don’t unplug from the energy we pick up from others, then the energy of others will control our life.

Empaths have to work hard to stay grounded, balanced and in control of emotions. And if we want to stay ‘on top’ we have to learn to switch off from the energy of the masses.

I think you’ll agree; these past years have gone from one level of trauma to another. The energies have switched from stress to anger to hate to fear to more stress.

It’s obvious the populace is being distracted and divided with the intention of keeping us from finding our true-inner-power.

What I mean by this is, we are in a unique time where past issues are coming up to the surface to be resolved and healed for everyone. Not only in the way of karmic return but in calls to find balance of the body and mind (modern life puts a huge strain on our human bodies).

When past trauma is ready to be healed it shows up in many ways: feeling constantly dissatisfied, suffering illness, anxiety, fear, anger and other strong emotions.  There are many other ways in which people receive their inner-calls to make changes and go within.

Instead of being able to address old wounds and or physical issues, as they arise, people are being given reasons to project their emotional pain on to others. Which many Empaths pick up, even if they are not in direct firing line.

When we are kept angry or distressed, by focusing on the world’s injustices or propaganda, it not only keeps us trapped in a negative mind-set but it stops us from taking the steps to face and heal any physical or emotional wounds that need attention. We then continuously draw back more reasons to feel emotionally low.

For those Empaths who have already done much inner-work, it sometimes feels like we are being taken back several steps. It doesn’t help that feeling the emotional energy of the world, when it is so negatively charged, can be incredibly isolating.

We not only need to keep swapping and changing our healing/grounding techniques to stay protected, we need to stay ‘unplugged’ from this energy.

Consciously Unplug

This is so important, even if it’s just for five minutes a day.

By consciously unplugging from all external distractions, it not only allows for a vibrational reset, it shifts our focus. Which helps us break the connection to the emotional energy of others, and allows us to tune into our higher-self.

By simply closing your eyes and focusing on your breath or doing some type of meditative practice, it works well to unplug.

One technique I like to use is the ‘balancing triangle breath’.

This may sound strange, but in my mind’s eye I draw a triangle with my breath between my nose and third eye.

If you want to try it: Inhale through your left nostril (you can block the opposite nostril with thumb), taking the breath up to the third eye (centre of forehead), then on the exhale see your breath travel from the third eye down the right nostril and then back over to the left nostril. After a few breaths reverse the flow from right to left, and then keep alternating.

The image may help you get a better idea of what I mean (I apologize for the creepy face).

The above technique not only helps you unplug and re-centre, it also helps balance your masculine and feminine energy (learn more here).

Take a Salted-Magnesium-Essential-Oil Bath:

A salt bath with added magnesium and lavender is an incredible combination for instilling calm and balance. It’s also super soothing to your emotions and helps you unplug from the world.

Salt is great for clearing all types of people energy, especially when it is negative. It also heals and softens the skin.

Magnesium helps one relax, and boosts energy, supports the endocrine system and aids sleep (quality sleep is essential for repairs). You can buy magnesium bath salts in most supermarkets.

An essential oil, such as lavender, is both relaxing and uplifting and is great to use after being peopled.

Add a grounding crystal into the mix and you have a super-powerful formula for unplugging. Find out the best grounding stone for an Empath here.

Avoid Negative People

This is something I probably don’t need to remind you of, but I know how hard it is. But if there’s one thing that can suck dry your last remnants of goodwill, its being around ‘negatives’ or ‘energy vampires’

Did you know, science has even acknowledged that by spending too much time around negative people it can influence health and happiness?

There are many studies showing how prolonged ‘people stress’ alters gene expression within the immune system… Meaning: anyone can become sick just by hanging out with toxic people. For an Empath, who can wear another person’s emotional energy like a heavy winter coat, it’s double whammy!

So, there you go. Some simple ways to unplug from the energy of others.

If you have any other techniques that work for you, feel free to share in the comments below

Hope this helps.

Until next time.

Stay empowered.

Diane.

©Diane Kathrine

 

 

Why Are So Many Empaths Awakening Now?

Have you noticed more and more people are discovering they are Empaths?

Have you ever wondered why?

It cannot be denied, there is a wave of Empaths who have awakened to who they are in recent years.

More and more are coming to understand that many of the challenges, they have faced throughout life, have come about because they are an Empath.

Why is this awakening happening now?

Good question. There has to be a reason. Right? Continue reading

Whose Emotion Are You In? A Guide For Empaths


Is this your emotion you are feeling? Or does it belong to someone else?

Learning to differentiate between ‘whose emotion belongs to whom’ certainly proves to be a challenge for many Empaths.

Not recognizing other people’s energy, within oneself, is a common theme within the Empath world. Just knowing you take on the emotions from others, does not mean you can automatically discern them from your own or are able to prevent them from affecting you. Continue reading

Why Are Empaths So Easily Hurt By Criticism?

 

There is no escaping this simple fact of life, the majority of Empaths are easily hurt by the criticisms and judgements of others. In some cases, so much so, that it may prevent them from taking any creative risks in life.

The fear of criticism holds too many good Empath’s back.

But as the old saying goes:

The only way to avoid criticism is to say nothing, do nothing and be nothing.

And I doubt there are many Empaths who want to go through life doing nothing. Continue reading

How Do You Know If You’re An Introvert Empath?


How would you describe yourself, introvert or extrovert?

Many Empaths identify with being an introvert, for the reason that introversion tends to go hand-in-hand with an Empath’s journey. But that’s not to say there are no extrovert Empaths.

If you started life exhibiting more extrovert ways, the way the world makes you ‘feel’ can trigger or build introvert leanings, such as: a regular need for solitude, not enjoying spending time around people, experiencing social aggravation when around crowds, etc. Continue reading

How do You Know if You are an Empath or Simply Sensitive?

Do you ever wonder whether you are an Empath or not?

Over the years, I have often been asked the question: ‘How do I know for sure if I’m an Empath?’

My answer always tends to be the same: Generally, if you’re an Empath when you discover the term and the traits it encompasses, you just know whether it applies to you or not. It is like a light bulb moment. You finally have an explanation for all that you feel and have experienced throughout your life… But, there are always exceptions. Continue reading

Uncovering Power Imbalances Within The Empath

Today, I want to address the subject of power imbalances within an Empath and the need to control what we feel.

As Empaths, many of our emotional sensations are amplified. We react to criticism much more than most and, when out of balance, we become incredibly oversensitive to everyday life situations.

Because of this, we may suffer with depression and are more open to attract depressive moods from others (like attracts like).

In my post: Why do Empaths have Such a Strong Sense of Belonging, I made reference to Empaths knowing when something is wrong in their surroundings, even if they don’t know exactly what it is.

The fact that so few people have control over their lives makes for a lot of unhappy people. Empaths pick up on the collective sense of dissatisfaction, whether they are aware of it or not, which can greatly affect their own moods. This can then trap them in negative thinking patterns.

As Empaths, we get down when it seems like we have no control of the way we feel. Which is understandable. Getting bombarded with the emotional energy of others (on top of our own emotions) is no fun, and it can certainly influence the way we operate.

What we pick up from others can shape our life, especially when we are not aware the emotional energy we are experiencing does not belong to us. (If you struggle with defining the emotional energy of others read this.)

But other people’s energy is not the only thing that can lead to emotional instability and a sense of power imbalance. Continue reading

How to Get Back in Control of Your Empath Life

Last month, I happened across a great piece in The Guardian about depression and mental health, that really struck a chord with me.

Basically, the article said that depression is not just about chemical imbalances, as it has been touted by the scientific and medical communities for many years, but more about power imbalances and a lack of control. (Even though it was not written with the Empath in mind, I recommend it. It’s quite enlightening.) Here is a link to the article:

Most Empaths and Sensitives are prone to having bouts of depression or low moods. Although we can often link these gloomy periods to spending time with overly negative people, being around those who act as trauma triggers, or eating unsuitable foods, etc. but power imbalances, and a lack of life-control is something we should also consider.

A lack of control being linked to depression makes total sense. Not having power in one’s life also equates to feelings of helplessness and the sense of walking aimlessly. When we feel we are not in control of our life, and have no direction it might also be said that we have no purpose.

Everyone needs purpose. To have a reason to get up in the morning, to do something not only that we enjoy but that we know we are good at. But how many people can make that claim? Not many. Most are stuck in jobs not for the joy or purpose it gives them, but for the pay-check.

Anyone who is creative and or intelligent (and I don’t just mean educated) are naturally inclined to want to be in control of their destiny and have a reason for being.

Granted, some think they would prefer others to make their decisions for them – often born from having a fear of making the wrong decision or a lack of belief in self – but someone else controlling our life or purpose will never bring happiness.

Over 80% of the workforce are unfulfilled and unhappy in their work. That’s a lot of people.

If we consider many people went into professions chosen by their parents, or they chose their careers before they got to know who they were, it makes total sense. After all, who knows at sixteen what they will want to do for the rest of their lives? Not many people.

We change so much from when in our teenage years to when we are in our thirties. This, I believe, is a reason that so many people find themselves unhappy in their work in later life. They didn’t choose their vocation or they chose too young.

The lack of life-control in society means we end up living in conflict. Inside, we want to do something that feels meaningful and gives us purpose. In reality, many are stuck working to pay for mortgages, bills and children, and to fund a lifestyle.

What we are told will make us happy rarely does, because one size does not fit all. And this is why so many people feel like they are not in control.

I often refer to myself as being a ‘quiet control freak’. And that is not because I secretly want to rule others or be on some kind of ‘power trip’ with them. It’s because I want to be in control of my life… at least as much as I can. I realise we can’t control everything. But I do want to control what I do, where I go and how my time is used, I also want to be in control of whose energy I’m in. So, I tend to have a problem if others try to control me or if their energy is overbearing. The ‘quiet’ comes in because instead of being argumentative or objectionable, with those who force control, I quietly back away.

Having a desire to control one’s life is not a bad thing. We are at the helm of our own ships and it is up to us to set our own course and destination. We should be able to do this when we are ready to do so (which is rarely at the age we are expected).

Not being in control can seem like a form of imprisonment, as can feeling forced to do work we have no passion for or interest in. That is not freedom. Humans are supposed to have freewill. We also need to know we have choices, even if we don’t choose to use them.

In the early years, many Empaths were made to feel small and insignificant by those around them. In a bid to overcome this we may have searched for positions of power or wealth, in adulthood, in the belief it would make us more in control or ‘untouchable’. But we cannot always control the way other people make us feel. So, even if we achieve great status, power and vast wealth, if we do not feel in control of how we feel, or if we are not following our true calling, a void remains inside.

The article I linked to above, an extract from Johann Hari’s book: ‘Lost Connections’, suggests that the depression most people experience is caused by our inner-self trying to raise our awareness that we are off-course. ‘It’s telling us that our natural psychological needs are not being met and it is a form of grief.’ Which I totally agree with.

We need to listen to our emotional signals and this is something I write a lot about:

By listening to our gut’s promptings and intuition it can save us unnecessary heartache. As an Empath, however, defining these signals is a challenge.

Because we feel everything so powerfully, it is difficult to discern the trigger of our own emotions, and those that belong to others.  But, speaking from experience, this is something we can all learn to overcome.

In the past, I have had times when I suffered with low moods or felt depressed, both of which pushed me to find the cause and make necessary changes to my life.

Nowadays, if I experience a gloomy mood, I can link it back to either eating a food I shouldn’t (normally containing high levels of lectins), having spent too much time in peopled places or around excess negativity (or there’s been intense shifts in energy).

Because I have learnt to interpret my own signals and triggers, I try to follow what is right for me. There is nothing worse than experiencing low moods unnecessarily.

If we are constantly down or depressed, these are our inner-messages telling us something is not right either with the path we are walking or the way we are living our lives.

If you regularly read my posts, you may already know I am a great believer that bad things happen for good reasons. We just don’t see it at the time. Depression can be a call for change, our change. But we have to question the feelings we experience and find the root-cause. Which will be different for everyone.

We need to focus on taking back our power and that starts with getting in control of what we can.

To live happily as Empaths, staying in control is something we must work on daily, otherwise the world, and the way it makes us feel, will swallow us up.

Because this is a vast subject and an area many Empaths struggle with, I will continue the theme in my next post. Read part two here.

But if you want to look at ways to take back control here are some posts that may help you on your way.

Are You Leaking Energy? 

What is an Empath’s Purpose?

Transform Your Empath Life with This One Thing

An Empath’s Guide

Hope this helps on your journey.

Until next time.

Diane

©Diane Kathrine