Is it Time to Try Something Different…?

In life, we often think when something isn’t working, we should be trying harder. But it could be the case that we should be doing things differently.

I rediscovered the above statement, ‘Don’t Try Harder, Try Different’, when reading a book by Katherine Gray, The Unexpected Joys of Being Sober. I say rediscovered because I have seen the saying before, but somehow it resonated with me more now than ever.

I gave up alcohol six years ago. I have never looked back. I’m still loving the way sober life makes me feel. However, as ok as I am with being booze-free, I find that other people seem to have difficulty accepting my lifestyle choice. Many feel uncomfortable being around a teetotaller, especially one who was once a ‘proper drinker.’  Because of this, I find it interesting to learn what brought others into sobriety, how it impacts their life and the people in it.

In her book, Kathrine not only talks about her battle with booze, and how it affected her friends when she gave up, she also discusses how it is known, that when giving up alcohol, not every approach works for everyone. One person may benefit from going to AA meetings, another will find it sets them back, one person may be able to continue socializing very soon after quitting the booze, another person may need to avoid all places that serve alcohol for months or even years. It is about finding an approach that works for the individual. Which I totally agree with, for all areas of life.

However, if you’re anything like me, you may find when something isn’t working or not giving the desired results, the inner-critic emerges. It tells you that you’re not working hard enough and need to put in more effort. But it’s often the case that when something doesn’t work, it’s not always because we are doing it wrong or being lazy, it could be that we are not doing what is right for us. We are following a recipe that was for someone else’s success.

An example of where this happened for me is in yoga. I’ve done yoga for over twenty years. I started practising to a) find inner-calm and balance and b) to help ease my ‘hairdressers back’ (after years of doing 12-hour standing days, in heels, it took its toll on my lower-back). The promised inner-calm came quickly. In fact, after one session I could feel a shift in how I felt, but my back problem didn’t go away.

Although I gained incredible benefits from yoga, over the years of trying and ‘working harder’ at yoga poses (even qualifying as a yoga teacher) my back problem did not get resolved.   Many good teachers demonstrated poses that worked for their back problems or their students. I tried them. They didn’t work. I told myself it was because I wasn’t working hard enough or getting deeper into the poses. I thought I wasn’t being accurate in my positioning or that I needed to spend more time practising. My ego mind also got involved; telling me I needed to be more bendy and work to be like all the other yogis who could tie themselves into effortless knots. It took me many years to learn that I had to do asanas differently. If something isn’t right for my body, and its imbalances, it doesn’t matter how much I work to perfect a pose, I would never get the benefit.

It is understandable why we tell ourselves we need to work harder. We are led to believe the only way to succeed at anything is through graft. And yes, hard work pays off, but only when we are doing what is right for us.

Now, I am not encouraging anyone to give up on their dreams because they are not happening quickly enough. Good things don’t always come easily. Some things take many years to manifest and the journey can be very enjoyable. But if it’s not working, a new approach may be needed.

We live in a ‘one-sized-fits-all world’. We are sold the ideas of miracle cures or easy ways of making money. ‘This worked for thousands of people, so it will work for you.’ But we are all different…

I have noted many times, in my writings, that what works for one will not always work for another. I learnt that through trial and error, and I am still learning it.

My ‘well-programmed’ brain does not always want to hear that I have to do things differently in order to succeed. To reap the benefit of some yoga poses, I might have to bend my legs where others need to keep their legs straight, when doing high-energy exercise, I might be better doing a hill-walk instead of a run, I might be better expressing myself on paper, whereas another is better doing it verbally…

The brain likes to keep us safe. It thinks that by following the crowd it’s the safest route. It likes us to follow the rules laid out for everyone else because there’s less chance of danger and we’re not as vulnerable. And for some people, this works. Some are very happy and successful by following the well-walked path. But if you’re not getting the desired results, and it doesn’t feel ‘right,’ maybe it’s time for a new plan?

It takes courage to move away from the herd. It takes bravery to step out of our comfort zone and do it differently. But trying different instead of harder could be the exact thing we need to see big changes happen.

It can apply to all areas of life too: diet, exercise, people, work, business, family life, etc. When one way isn’t working, there will always be another way to do it.

A good way to uncover ‘new ways’, other than the usual internet searches, is by tuning into inner-guidance. Spending quiet time listening to our intuitive mind, instead of the rational mind, can be incredibly revealing (see this post on how to question yourself).

Whilst we continuously do what is not a fit for us, we give our power away. So, when something isn’t working, instead of trying harder why not try different?

Until next time…

Diane

©Diane Kathrine

Advertisements

The Real Reason Relaxation Is So Important For The Empath

 

Most Empaths know when they are experiencing stress, but they may have no idea how much of this stress is held within their muscles, which can cause problems…

Our muscles are constantly stimulated through the stresses of modern life, and are often in a near constant state of contraction. Because of this, even in sleep, the muscles don’t fully relax… Which, as you can probably imagine, is not good for Empath stress or overwhelm!

Even when we think we are relaxing, we often aren’t. The TV programs we watch in the evening can have the effect of firing up the mind, which stimulates the muscles, further tensing them, and even reading certain books can put the nerves (and muscles) on edge.

That’s not to mention how the pained emotions, either your own or those you pick up throughout the day from others, are stored within the muscles.

Stressed Muscles Leads to a Stressed Empath Mind!

Whilst reading this you will be holding tension somewhere in your body. Your forehead might be rouched,  your eyes might be squinting, your shoulders might be hunched or your wrists extended back, your legs, hips or back might be in an awkward position, all creating pressure in your muscles and joints.

We could go through the entire body, but I think it’s safe to say you are holding muscle tension somewhere.

So Why is This Such a Bad Thing?

When your muscles are constantly contracted, they are fuelling the sympathetic nervous system (fight or flight). Not only is this depleting the body of vital energy, that most can ill-afford to lose, but it is also prematurely ageing, it raises blood pressure, lowers the immune system and unnecessarily heightens Empath stress.

What To Do About It

By training the muscles to soften and loosen, through relaxation, it switches on the parasympathetic nervous system. This in turn, slows the breathing, lowers blood pressure, initiates deep relaxation of body and mind, and allows healing to occur.

One of the best and easiest ways to get a muscle to relax is to tense it first.

If you’ve ever been in a yoga class and the teacher asked you to tense all the muscles in your body before relaxation, it was to aid in releasing any held tension and to allow you to relax more deeply. Here are just some of the benefits:

Relaxation Benefits

  • Reduces fatigue
  • Anti-ageing
  • Lowers blood pressure
  • Boosts the immune system
  • Induces restful sleep
  • Allows for muscle regeneration
  • Switches on the parasympathetic nervous system
  • Promotes mind stillness
  • Aides in general well-being.

It is said that the relaxation, at the end of a yoga class, is the most beneficial part of the practice. Not only is it time for the body to rest, but it’s the time the benefits of yoga practise are fully integrated.

Relaxation can be done at anytime of day but it is great to do at bedtime or after exercise.

Here’s an Easy Muscle-Tensing Technique:

  • Lie on the floor or a bed (for anyone suffering back problems: a bolster or cushion under the knees is helpful).
  • Starting at the feet, tense them for five to ten seconds then release.
  • Work up through the limbs, torso and face, tensing and relaxing each body part in turn (great distraction for the mind if you can’t sleep).
  • Finally, clench the body tight for five to tense seconds, then completely relax and go floppy.
  • Stay for a while in this deep state of stillness.

If time is short, you could tense the lower part of the body first, then the upper half, finishing on the face.

Not only does the above exercise promote relaxation but it also aids in stilling the mind.

If, as an Empath, you suffer any kind of stress conditions or chronic fatigue, doing full-body muscle tensing and relaxation is a great help to your overall well-being.

So, now you have no excuse not to spend more time relaxing. Give yourself permission to switch off and chill those muscles. It is super-beneficial for a happy, healthy life.…

If you are suffering a lot of emotional stress, you may find this post on Essential Oils for the Empath beneficial.

Hope this helps on your journey…

Until next time

Diane

©Diane Kathrine at Empaths Empowered

Should an Empath be Competitive?


I’ve always been fascinated by the many different ways of human nature. Things that set us apart or unite us. One such way being competition.

When it comes to the idea of competing, I am somewhat of a contradiction. On the one hand I think it’s healthy and on the other, it is ugly.

If there’s one thing I dislike in a person, it’s an ugly competitive streak. When someone is willing to trample all over another, just to win, this is ‘ugly competition’. It could also be seen when someone is jealous of another’s achievements, and they undermine these achievements, just to continue to feel superior.

That said, if we don’t have a level of competition, we don’t tend to push ourselves forward to become better.

Unlike me, my husband is very competitive. If the game doesn’t have a competition, there’s no element of risk and he doesn’t want to play. I used to love playing badminton. Not competitively. Just hitting the shuttlecock back and forth, over the net, without it falling to the ground. My husband also liked to play, but for him the joy was in the competition. So, playing together never really worked. He wanted to score points for fun and I wanted to have fun without the scoring.

That’s not to say he, or the many other men and women like him, have an ugly competitive streak. He’s not a sore loser and he wouldn’t manipulate another to win. If anything, he would encourage others. 

I don’t think I have ever enjoyed competition. It almost seems like winning makes another into a loser.  

When competing at school, in sports for example, I felt myself weaken physically. I now realize this was just another part of being an Empath. For one thing, if I won, it meant the other lost. Which felt wrong. And for another, during competitive sports, I was likely picking up on the others’ intention (wanting to beat me), and morphed my energy signature to fit with their intentional energy. (If you have experienced this you will know exactly what I mean).

When we are unaware, as Empaths, we can pick up on the intentions, opinions and judgements of others which can impact our behaviour. 

I go to gym classes most days (Zumba, aerobics, etc.). When there, I never like being too close to the competitive people. They give off such strong vibes.  I can feel them wanting to be better than others in the room. I don’t need to know them or have talked to them to feel this. I’m not saying this makes them bad people. I just don’t like feeling this energy when I work out.

It took me some years to understand that this was what I was feeling when in gym classes. It is often in yoga classes where I sense ‘the competitive energy’ at its worst. It’s a big reason I don’t like practising yoga around others.

Again, I understand that although I’m not partial to being in competition, it can drive people on to being the best version of themselves. But it can also do the opposite.

There is a great saying that, ‘It’s not about the winning it’s about the taking part.’ Yet some would argue that if there’s no chance of winning, what is the point of taking part? That is a mentality I don’t agree with (I told you I was a contradiction). It’s the ego talking. If you enjoy the competition, do it for yourself. But don’t not compete just because you might not win.

My opinion is that our best competition is ourself. We should always be working to become better than we were last week or last year, in all areas of life. And self-competition is something I do enjoy.

So, yes, I see competition as both healthy and unhealthy, good and bad.

It would be interesting to hear your thoughts on the subject. How does competition affect you as an Empath? Does it help you thrive? Or does it make your energy recede? Feel free to share in the comments below.

Hope all is keeping well with you.

Until next time.

Diane

©Diane Kathrine

This is Incredible!

Just a quick one today.

As it’s new year and we all have intentions of becoming healthier and happier, I’ve decided to do a fantastic offer on Kindle Countdown for all you lovely Empaths. For 2 days you can get the Empath Eating plan for $1.26. Yes, that’s right, only $1.26. The price will gradually increase until it goes back to full list price on 16th January 2019.

You can click here to have a quick read through of the first part of the book, to see if the information is for you. Remember it’s only for 2 days that the price will be so low. Continue reading

Why Empaths are Hurt by Criticism and How to Prevent it Impacting Your Life

 

There is no escaping this simple fact of life, the majority of Empaths are easily hurt by the criticisms and judgements of others. In some cases, so much so, that it may prevent them from taking any creative risks in life.

Yes, the pain of criticism holds many of us back, for the simple reason it is human nature to avoid anything which causes pain.

But as the old saying goes: ‘The only way to avoid criticism is to say nothing, do nothing and be nothing’. And I doubt there are many Empaths who want to go through life doing nothing. Continue reading

Does an Empath Lead a Double Life?

If you are an Empath, there is a good chance you go through life feeling like you lead a double life. Why? because too often, you end up wearing a ‘mask’ when spending time with certain others.

When I say mask, I’m not talking literally. I simply mean not being one’s true self.

Wearing a mask is a common theme for all humans, but as  most Empaths tend to detest inauthenticity, it may seem a little weird.

I recently read that the Japanese believe that everyone has three faces: The face we show the world, the face we show our family and close friends, and the face we show no one.

It is our hidden face which is apparently our truest reflection.

Many Empaths will probably admit that the only time they are their truest self is when at home or when alone.

But there is a good reason an Empath may hide the truth of themselves behind a mask when with certain people… and it’s not to get them to like us. Continue reading

Why the Unusual Empath Reaction to Lies?

 

Empaths have a strong sense of integrity and they know a lie when they feel it. They also know they shouldn’t lie for personal gain or to manipulate others. Their goal in life may be to live in complete authenticity, but find it difficult to do in a world where dishonesty and corruption are more readily accepted than the truth.

We live in a time where silver-tongued fraudsters are rewarded, and those who speak their truth often get attacked. And because of this, many are afraid of showing who they are or what they believe in.

While the world is filled with deceit and disinformation, something will always feel off to an Empath. But it’s not just living under a corrupt establishment that creates a sense of unease, simply being in the presence of inauthenticity throws the Empath into disarray.

When in the company of those whose words don’t match their vibration, the Empath’s brain tends to scramble. So much so, they may struggle to form a coherent sentence. This mind-numbing effect is caused by the ‘Empathic antenna’ sensing all is not what it seems. It is detecting a person is not showing a true reflection of who they are.

In most cases, when someone creates a fake persona, it is a way to hide a side they believe will be rejected. Every human wants to feel special and loved. And if someone feels unworthy, they may create a ‘face’ they hope will be accepted.

But inauthenticity breeds and feeds. And an initial quest to ‘fit in’ can escalate, over time, into a darker manipulative personality.

When an Empath encounters inauthentic people they may, initially, assume it is their own insecurities creating the ‘freeze effect’. When it is really a brain scramble caused by the contradictory energy they pick up.

Brain scramble can cause: confusion, stumbling over words, nervousness, and anxiety. It can also cause a stall in the memory, where names, places and events get temporarily erased from the mind Continue reading

Are You a Morphing Empath?


morphing

If you are an Empath you have probably had at least one morphing experience. Some of you may experience it daily .

For the purpose of this post, I shall liken Empath morphing to having an encounter with a boggart… You would have to be familiar with Harry Potter to understand where I am going with this.

In the Harry Potter books, a boggart is described as a shape-shifting non-being that takes on the form of the viewer’s worst fear.

So what does this have to do with an Empath you might ask? Continue reading

What to Expect from Your Empath Transformation

Hope you’re all keeping really happy and healthy in your little “Empath” corners of the world.

Just a quickie to let you know the print version for 7 Secrets of the Sensitive is now available to order. You can order it here on Amazon or here on The Book Patch or here for Barnes and Noble. There’s still 24 hours to get the special eBook pre-order price (saving $12.01 on print price)

Just in case you don’t know what the book is about, here is a little of what you can expect to discover:

  • Why parts of the Empath brain overreact to emotions and learn how to stop this from happening.
  • Projection and how Empaths send out what they think and feel to others.
  • How the disruption of our chakras affect the body and mind.
  • How and why certain foods destroy the Empath’s emotional wellbeing.
  • The reason why Empaths feel everything so powerfully.
  • What the dominant and sometimes overpowering Empath gut sensations mean.
  • The overwhelming emotional overload Empaths experience and how to instantly overcome it.
  • How Empath fatigue affects life and who or what causes it.
  • Why Empaths attract certain types (including narcissists) and repel others.
  • The reason Empaths form instant dislikes for certain people.
  • Inauthentic behavior and how it weakens an Empath.
  • Trauma triggers and their causes.
  • How to recognize psychic attack and how to protect from it.
  • Thoughtbombing, what it is and how to stop it.
  • How to tell the difference between your own emotions and those which don’t belong to you.

Within ‘7 Secrets of the Sensitive – Harness the Empath’s Hidden Power’ I help you understand why you experience what you do. I show what simple steps you can take to revolutionize your life, take back your power and live the life for which you were destined. As an Empath you deserve an incredible happy life!

If you do happen do purchase a copy I would just like to say a huge thank you and I look forward to it helping transform your Empath life!

Until next time…

Diane

7 secrets e-book version

 

Should Empaths Develop Mediumistic Abilities? And a Word of WARNING!

 

woman girl eyes blur

Because Empaths are an intuitive bunch, it can rouse the question whether they also have psychic and mediumistic abilities.

Being mediumistic is not an attribute that falls under the ‘traits of an Empath’, but that is not to say they cannot own the gift.

So, what is being a medium? Think James Van Praagh, Alison Dubois or John Edwards. Those who have the ability to connect with the otherside.

Some Empaths have mediumistic abilities and some mediums have Empathic abilities. But whether you were born with the gift or not, it is something that can be developed.

If it is a topic you are drawn to, and want to develop, you can work towards owning mediumistic abilities. Empaths are highly intuitive and are aligned to most things of a metaphysical nature. They often experience a strong pull towards mediumship in the ‘early days’ of awakening.

However, it is not a subject one should take lightly; and finding a good teacher is essential. The teacher has to know and understand all about the traits and sensitivities of an Empath. Continue reading

Discover If You Are An Empath or HSP

Not sure if you are an Empath or Highly Sensitive Person (HSP)?

Would you like to find out?

Let’s have a look at their definitions:

The definition of an Empath is a person who is capable of feeling the emotions of those around them despite the fact they are not going through the same situation.

The definition of a HSP is a person who processes sensory data much more deeply than others. They are oversensitive to aspects of their environment. For instance, HSPs may dislike harsh bright lighting, they get irritated by loud background noise or find they cannot wear certain materials.

Although the definitions above are brief, they could be misleading, in the suggestion that a HSP has only heightened senses and an Empath feels only the emotions of others; when in fact, there is so very much more to their traits.

For example, the Empath and HSP may both:

  • Sense other people’s moods
  • Project their emotions, feelings and thoughts onto others
  • Experience profound synchronicities
  • Have heightened senses
  • Feel emotions and pain very deeply
  • Get hurt easily
  • Become quickly over-stimulated
  • Become easily drained when in social situations
  • Have an awareness of subtleties around them that others don’t.

The definitions between the two are so similar that some may question as to which camp they belong.

So, to give you a better idea, we will look at some questions that will help you determine if you are an Empath or HSP.

We will first look at the Highly Sensitive Person. Saying yes to most of the following questions is a strong indication that you are a HSP:

  1. Are you aware of subtleties in your environment?
  2. Do other people’s moods affect you?
  3. Are you sensitive to pain?
  4. Do you need to withdraw, if you are having a busy day?
  5. Are you sensitive to the effects of caffeine?
  6. Are you easily overwhelmed by strong smells, bright lights or loud noises?
  7. Do you have a rich and complex inner life?
  8. Are you conscientious?
  9. Do you startle easily?
  10. Are you aware how to make others feel more comfortable?
  11. Do you get frustrated if you are made to do too many things at once?
  12. Do you avoid watching violence on TV or in films?
  13. Do you become uncomfortable when a lot is going on around you?
  14. Do you avoid upsetting or overwhelming situations?

See more known traits of a HSP here. Continue reading

12 Quick Questions to Discover if You Are an Empath

If you want to know if you are an Empath, the following questions will help you decide:

1. Do you walk into busy places and find yourself overwhelmed with emotions?

2.  Do some people make you inexplicably uncomfortable, finding you stumble over your words or have uneasy sensations in the pit of your stomach when with them?

3. Did you experience any strange phenomena as a child, such as seeing or hearing ghosts, having imaginary friends, seeing energy fields around objects or people, or knowing things you shouldn’t? Continue reading

How Can An Empath Stay Protected From Trauma Trigger People?

If you have someone in your life who acts as a trauma trigger, they will no doubt have sprung to mind upon reading the title of this post.

Those who act as a trauma trigger to an Empath, cause a response at the mere mention of their name, and can have them awash with painful emotions, just by thinking about them.

For the Empath, feeling other people’s energy and emotions is normal, both negative and positive.

Some people emit lovely, light vibrations and are a joy to be around. But there are some who live under a cloud of negative energy and are riddled with angsts that they seem to thrive on. These types can act as a trauma trigger.

These ‘trigger’ people tend to spew dark, angry energy  and refuse to accept or change their behaviour, even if it has been pointed out to them how their ways affect others. They tend to find fault in everyone (except themselves) and choose not to see the good in those around them.
Continue reading

What’s the Deal with Antiques and Empaths?

On my post ‘At a Glance 30 Traits of an Empath’ there is one trait that has caused some controversy over the years and that is:

Trait 28   Will not choose to buy antiques, vintage or second-hand. 

Anything that’s been pre-owned carries the energy of the previous owner. An Empath may even prefer to have a brand new car or house (if they are in the financial situation to do so) with no residual energy.

Many people wrongly assume the reason number 28 is on the list is because antiques hold negative energy. Anything pre-owned can carry negative or positive energy but this is not the reason it is on the list. Continue reading

How Can An Empath Help Others Without Sufferring Compassion Overwhelm?


I have often been asked questions such as: ‘how can I be of service to others without being drained?’ or ‘I want to help, how should I do it?’ And, although I have replied to those who have asked these kind of questions in comments,  I decided to write a mini-post about it. 

I have already covered this topic in other blog posts; but as I know it is a frustrating question to have, I will address it again here.

It is an inbred trait for Empaths to want to help others, if only in an indirect way, and it can be incredibly soul-destroying to see another suffering and not be able to help them. Especially when it’s obvious they are either too ashamed to ask for help for fear of appearing weak, or if they have gone through life being the ‘strong one’ and when their life starts falling apart, they are afraid of being judged for having failed. 

Everyone needs help and direction at some point, no matter how evolved they are. But it is still up to each person to seek out the answers they need and they have to be ready to ask for help and/or be willing to make changes.  

We see suffering as bad, and it is. But it is through suffering that humans really learn and grow. It can also be an important rite of passage into spiritual consciousness. But still, everyone needs a pointer at some time.
So, one of the easiest ways to help others is to simply listen.

By listening, it is healing to the one being heard. People don’t really listen anymore. Most are too busy thinking about their own story to hear what others are trying to say, or are just waiting for their turn to talk. But to Empaths, listening comes as naturally as breathing. 

This is why Empaths are often so sought out, because they listen and they hear. The downside to this is taking on too much, especially when another is repeating a victim-story, like a broken record, and refuses to help themselves by making any changes. Some people also need professional help, and guiding them towards it may be the best option.

It is always wise to have time limits, when listening to others, to prevent overwhelm and or taking on too much. With each person, time limits will be different. For some people, five minutes is enough time, with others an hour or so is ok. But always use grounding and protecting techniques before and after. See here and here.

Another incredible way to serve others, is by serving self first. When we work on ourselves, in mind, body and spirit, we become balanced and empowered. Our vibration then speeds up and we emit a much more powerful energy. The type of energy that is uplifting and healing to those around us.

So, just by empowering ourselves we can help empower others.

If you want to learn more about becoming an empowered Empath, this post is worth a read.

Hope this helps on your journey.

Until next time.

Diane

 

©Diane Kathrine