Facing the Empath’s Shadow Side

A couple of posts ago, I discussed how an Empath is often painted as the villain. Today, I want to discuss a similar subject but from another perspective: The Empath’s shadow side.

The shadow side may sound like something devious that drives a person to do dark and dastardly deeds; but it is mostly the source of great emotional pain, especially within an Empath.

What is an Empath’s Shadow Side?

Basically, a shadow side within an Empath is the same as within anyone else: it is the unresolved issues, emotional pain and insecurities, buried deep within, that can affect our behaviour and outlook on life. The side we don’t always know how to deal with.

I also mentioned in my last post how many Empaths are continually working on themselves to become healthier, happier and all-round better people. The shadow side, however, is often the last thing we want to address.

It is in the things that hurt us or that which we hide from where we will find our shadow.

Most of us have a side that we keep hidden from the rest of the world and even from ourselves. Hiding from our shadow side could be likened to wearing a mask, to conceal something that we consider either too ugly to be seen or too painful to be confronted.

The Japanese believe that everyone has three faces: The face we show the world, the face we show our family and close friends, and the face we show no one. It is our hidden face which is our truest reflection and hides our deepest discomforts. Wearing a mask, to conceal one’s shadow side, is the way many live and is often considered the norm.

Revealing the Cause

A good way to reveal the shadow is looking at what hurts you most. Is it rejection or not being accepted? Could it be people taking advantage of your kind nature? or perhaps not being able to connect with others? Whatever it is, you will generally find the origins of this hurt in your childhood.

Sensitive people are impacted their whole life by the inconsiderate or cruel behaviour of certain individuals from their childhood: The school bully, an angry teenage sibling, an unaware teacher, etc. If something cruel and uncalled for was said or done to you as a child, a seed was planted, creating the roots of the shadow to build.

Hiding from one’s truth may seem like a contradiction on the part of an Empath. Especially considering that most Empaths tend to detest inauthenticity. Wouldn’t hiding a part of ourselves be classed as living in an inauthentic way…? Yes and no.

There is a good reason an Empath may hide the truth of themselves from certain people, and it’s not always to get them to like us.

When we awaken as an Empath, a new way of life is gradually revealed. Not only do we come to embrace and appreciate our unusual traits – traits that set us apart from others – but we start experiencing more synchronicities, we develop greater intuition and discover a new outlook. Everything we have experienced when around people, emotionally and physically, finally makes sense. We understand our need for time alone, why we feel crazy energy when in busy places, and why we experience overpowering emotions when with certain persons. We also come to understand the deeper layers of human nature.

Once awake, we see that most people only see things from their own perspective. The majority don’t have the ability to see the world in 3D, like many Empaths do, and therefore cannot get on board with our way of thinking or relate to the experiences we endure. Because of this awareness, we become vigilant of protecting our space and are hesitant of opening up… We also don’t like burdening others with our troubles.

One thing the ‘Empath Awakening’ doesn’t do is take away our woes. In some cases, we become more sensitive and feel emotions more intensely. We thus hide from our shadow side to protect ourselves from experiencing more pain.

The truth is, avoidance just prolongs the discomfort.

Humans are hardwired into avoiding pain. It is a form of self-protection. ‘Escapism of feeling’ is often done through suppressants such as food, alcohol or drugs, etc.

This never works.

Suppressants just numb or mask the pain for a while. They act like a distraction; taking our attention away from that which needs addressing.

Confrontation

Some believe that by confronting their shadow-side it will cause too much heartache; hoping that avoidance will offer the ‘easier ride’. Which is understandable.

Sadly, when we choose the ‘easy route’ in life, it rarely turns out to be the comfortable journey we wanted, especially when we are avoiding doing something we know we should do.

One of the simplest ways to face the shadow side is by admitting to our insecurities, or that which hurts us.

Admitting that we have been hurt by our past and that we are ready to let it go brings the pain out of the shadows. When facing our ‘inner-demons’, we work to take away their power.

That said, it is not always possible to remove all the buried pain of the shadow side. Some pain is hardwired and is part of us for a reason. It shapes us in many ways; allowing us to empathize at a deeper level.

When we accept that ‘emotional pain’ has a purpose on this journey and is not just some unfair burden that we were unfortunate enough to be saddled with, it can lessen the impact.

Calming the Shadow

Another aspect of working towards balance is to avoid anything which unnecessarily activates ingrained mood-memories created by the shadow.

Mood-memories are the go-to moods, initially activated by the pain body, that we hang out in when feeling low or when in a dark mental space. I find two of the biggest triggers being diet and people (and hormone fluctuations).

Diet

By eating foods that influence the hormones in a negative way, it not only lowers our vibration and slows us down, it also impacts moods. This has bearings on wellbeing and initiates dark emotions to be roused or remembered. Wheat and sugar being two of the biggies (read more here). Meat also plays its part with many Empaths (this post explains more).

Uncovering food triggers is an essential part of preventing activation of mood memory.

People 

The type of people who become pain prompters for an Empath are those who hide their truth and pretend to be something they’re not. Basically, anyone who lives a big lie. Not just by lying to themselves, in hiding from their pain, but lying in their words, actions and energy. Those who hurt others with their disregard and those who hide their shadow behind their ego can act like triggers (read more here).

Just by spending too much time in the presence of anyone who carries the above traits could activate mood-memories.

Face the Pain

Facing hidden emotional pain frees us from living in its shadow.

Self-confrontation may seem like a scary option, but it is one of the best ways to release the emotional shackles of the shadow. If we have hidden insecurities, we continue to suffer, and we continue to draw to us those who play on these weaknesses (law of attraction).

The shadow side offers incredible lessons and serves us in many ways; but until we face it or at least admit to it, our actions and emotions are determined by its sway rather than by our conscious choice.

I will be discussing this subject from another perspective in my next post, so be sure to look out for it.

Hope this helps on your journey.

Until next time

Diane

©Diane Kathrine

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The Precipice of Change for all Empaths

Have you noticed something strange going on around you?

Do you feel tension in the air?

Have you wondered why this is happening now?

In the past few years we have seen some crazy hate campaigns going on in the media. Usually disguised as crusades for acceptance, equality or important political issues, but the true intention of these campaigns is usually to keep people distracted and divided.

In the UK we have Brexit keeping tensions high, in the US there is Trump and in between we have campaigns for racial equality, equality of the genders and more. All of which seem to be stirring up hate, anger and division.

Before I go any further, I would like to say that this is not a post on politics, issues on equality or anything like that. I am discussing how damaging all the dark energy, that is being fired up, is having and the reason for it.

I am not into politics and would never aim to influence anyone’s opinion on these matters, but what is happening now is seriously ugly, and anyone who is Sensitive will be horribly affected by the division, aggression and hate purposely stimulated.

The above campaigns are normally disguised as ‘pushes towards positive progression’, but as always within the mainstream media there is usually a hidden agenda to keep people away from their truth and self-evolvement.

Everyone wants to be accepted, and we are being told that we should be more accepting of those who are different. Acceptance of others is a good thing and should definitely be encouraged. But by stirring up hate in order to achieve this will not work. Hatred will never encourage acceptance. Evil begets evil, anger begets anger and hate begets hate.

The reason I wanted to address this subject today is because the type of energy that is being stirred up is the kind that brings an Empath down fast, if they are unfortunate enough to get caught up in it, and distracted from their own evolvement.

It is very easy for an Empath to lift the energy of others, in the form of opinions and ideas, and take them on as their own. We don’t even have to be physically in the presence of another for this to happen, reading online articles or watching videos can have the same impact. We can become so swayed by overwhelming opinions and energy that we get distracted from our life and dragged into a ‘manufactured war’. A war between people.

People are purposely being fired against each other and it is so awful to bear witness to, especially as an Empath.

Within the political world there has always been different parties, people standing for different reasons and rights. But never before have I seen such animosity stirred up, supposedly in the name of ‘standing for what is right’.

We have campaigns telling the world how we should be more accepting of others, but at the same time we are shown to hate those who don’t have the same opinions as us. It is considered ok to attack anyone who does not hold the same view, political or other, or to make assumptions on another’s beliefs and ideologies.

From where I stand, the message coming across is that its ok to silence, intimidate or attack those who stand up for what they believe in, if it doesn’t fit in with the narrative of the mainstream media. But how is this in any way progress? It’s not meant to be progress. It’s meant to throw us off track and keep us from our light.

A couple of months ago I watched a ‘Roast of Rob Lowe’ on Comedy Central. The panel of Roasters, and the audience, was filled with celebrities and well-known faces. It was just like any other Roast, of below-the-belt-banter, until Anne Coulthard got up. Talk about tumbleweeds.  

I must admit, I don’t know much about Anne Coulthard other than she is an advocate for Trump. But when she stood up, to do her Roast, the audience jeered her in such a hateful way and showed her nothing but contempt that it was difficult to watch. If the jeering was done in the ‘banterish’ way of the Roast, it might be laughed at, but it was hate-mob mentality and seriously uncomfortable viewing. Revulsion was written on the majority’s faces. And it sent a message to say if you don’t think like us or agree with us, then this is how we will treat you. This is extreme narcissism and it is scary that it seems to be so accepted!

I get that everyone has their own political opinions and beliefs. And so they should. Politics has always been an ugly arena; but the intimidation that is now happening is bullying and is not the behaviour that should be passed off as acceptable in a supposedly progressive society. We cannot be told that bullying is bad then show it as entertainment. Unless, of course, if the desired effect is to turn people against each other…

Celebrities are major influencers. People respect and admire them. Seeing celebs behaving towards others with contempt, because of their political leanings, shows the viewing world that this is the way to treat anyone who holds differing opinions.

Encouraging hate will never encourage acceptance. It just distracts and divides. The messages being sent out by the media are both confusing and contradictory. By keeping us distracted and divided it keeps us from finding unity with each other and from finding our own power.

I try to bypass anything that holds the content of hate online, but by spending a lot of time on my laptop, I sometimes find myself being drawn in on YouTube or something. When I do get drawn in, it leaves me deflated and depressed (and in serious need of chocolate). 

There are so many messages of hate being sent out in the guise of ‘striving for acceptance’, but the way these messages are portrayed are just so off track. Don’t get me wrong, I am all for acceptance, and in a perfect world we would all be capable of accepting everyone for their ‘differences’. But one thing is for sure, hate will always negate acceptance. 

There will always be differing political opinions, religious beliefs, cultural differences and varied outlooks on life. As I have said many times before, we are all different with different life paths (even as Empaths), and that is a good thing, it’s the way it is meant to be. It is so easy to waste this precious life focused on what others do or say and what they believe in, instead of focusing on finding our truth and purpose.

If you pay too much attention to the negative hype, being purposely aggravated, then you will be badly affected. By avoiding the media fracas, you will save yourself a lot of unnecessary suffering and heartache. You will feel more positive about yourself and others. Read this post to learn why Empaths are more at risk from the negativity.

We are in the midst of some incredible times for evolvement; which can be easily missed when focusing on manufactured negativity. I believe that all this BS means we are on the precipice of incredible changes for all (things get worse before they get better), but we still have to participate in any change for the better by keeping ourselves in a higher space. Doing a daily reset helps with this.

When spending your time doing what you love, and away from the media, it automatically elevates you. It also helps keep you protected from the dark energy stirred up out there. You then radiate a more powerful energy which positively impacts those you come into contact with.

Ok, that’s my musings for today.

Hope you are all having a fantastic summer… or winter.

Until next time…

Diane

©Diane Kathrine

 

 

Are You Searching for Purpose or Do You Have Destination Addiction?


A couple of posts ago, I wrote about Negativity Addiction and how it impacts the Empaths of the world. Today I’ll be addressing another unusual addiction talked about within social media circles: Destination Addiction.

Destination Addiction is the idea that happiness lies in the next job, the next relationship or location, etc. It is said that until we give up the idea that happiness lies somewhere else it will never be where we are.

When I came across the idea of ‘Destination Addiction’, it opened an inner-dialogue; was this a good thing or not? On the one hand, if we believe happiness lies outside of ourselves, do we ever find it? and on the other, does our pursuit of happiness not keep us moving forwards, onwards and upwards?

Thinking about it, I see both sides have their merits. Destination Addiction (DA) can serve us, helping us uncover our truth, but it might also prevent us from feeling complete.

Everyone is Susceptible

DA affects many people’s lives in different ways. The obvious scenario is when someone gives up something good to find something better, only to end up with something worse.  For example, in relationships: an unhappy person might break up a stable marriage with a loving spouse, after blaming them for their unhappiness; to set up with another partner, who they deem to be their ‘perfect match’, only to find they are still unhappy and in a worse situation than before.

Then there are those who have incredible experiences in their DA and search for happiness: By pushing forward, to find a place of ‘belonging’, a person might study hard, try numerous vocations, have beautiful families, visit mind-blowing locations, and meet extraordinary people.

I consider myself to be a multipotentialite. I love trying new things. But am I in the belief that the next endeavour holds long-sought after happiness? The answer is a resounding, No. Apart from the days when I’ve eaten a disagreeable food, or suffered a dose of ‘people-itis’, or if my hormones are playing up, I would say I am happy. I love what I do. But I also adore collecting new life experiences. I do it for the experience and not because I am ‘searching for happiness outside myself’. But I wasn’t always that way…

Like many twenty somethings, I also believed happiness lay somewhere else; which didn’t get any better as I moved into my thirties. Being in a profession I fell into (hairdressing), with a business that felt like a trap, and a business partner who wasn’t a fit for me or my Empath ways, I kept looking outside of myself. Believing there was something else out there, I wished it would come and find me, but deep down I knew it was my job to search it out.

Anyone looking from the outside might have considered me to be inconsistent or that I couldn’t stick to anything, because I kept studying and pursuing new interests. My adventurous spirit could have been classed as a bad case of ‘Destination Addiction’. That said, I always finished what I started, and I truly enjoyed learning. But an inner-void and a yearning kept pushing me on.  There were missing pieces, that needed to be found. I kept searching.

The search sent knowledge and many incredible life experiences to me, including some unpleasant obstacles. So, what might be classed as a ‘DA’ has served me well.

Have I found all the pieces? No, and nor would I want to. Gaining knowledge and having experiences keeps life interesting and awesome.

An Unhappy Population

According to statistics, about seventy-five percent of the workforce are miserable in their career. The cost of living traps many people. Simply paying for life’s necessities can wrap us up in debt. But even when one has wealth or ‘the dream job’ it doesn’t mean happiness is guaranteed. Sometimes the biggest void is seen in those who ‘seemingly’ have the most.

We are led to believe that wealth and positions of power are they key to happiness; but what about all those who ‘have it all’ and are still unhappy?

When someone has a void within that they don’t know how to satisfy, some of the usual fillers are drink, drugs, or shopping. Chasing a high or plugging up a lack of fulfilment with ‘stuff’, there’s a belief that the next night out, the new car, next holiday, or shiny Rolex will seal the ‘gap’. But does it ever?

What’s the Answer?

I heard a comment the other day that put a smile on my face:

If you could do one thing in life that you knew you wouldn’t fail at, what would it be…? Now, go off and do it.’

Such simple logic. But career is not always where the real problems lie. The belief that happiness is somewhere else might just be the issue.

Taking quiet reflective time to look at life objectively can help. Time to think about possible changes that could be made.

Changes don’t necessarily need to be new life experiences, new jobs or new relationships, they could be as simple as spending regular time in nature, giving up processed foods, incorporating crystals or aromatherapy oils into daily life, or drinking more water… Don’t try harder try different.

It is often small changes that make the biggest difference. They all add up, and help us see that happiness has always been within reach.

So, yes, in my humble opinion, Destination Addiction has both pros and cons. If we allow it to push us towards life experiences, growth and a career that is a fit with who we are, then it is a great blessing. If we convince ourselves that happiness lies outside ourselves, or in the hands of another, then it might never be found.

We have the potential to uncover exactly what we need. But we also have to be patient, and know every experience is serving us in ways we might not understand for some time. Roads that appear to lead nowhere are also steps of new direction, and still have purpose.

Hope this helps on your journey.7 secrets e-book version

Until next time,

Diane

©Diane Kathrine

Want to Know the Secret to Success for an Empath?

Do you want to transform your life?

Have you tried to make changes but they didn’t work?

Maybe it’s time for another way…

In life, when something isn’t working we think we should be trying harder. When really, we should be doing things differently!

I rediscovered the statement, ‘Don’t Try Harder, Try Different’, when reading a book by Katherine Gray, The Unexpected Joys of Being Sober. I say rediscovered because I have seen the saying before, but somehow it resonated with me more now than ever.

I gave up alcohol six years ago. I have never looked back. I’m still loving the way sober life makes me feel.  Because of this, I find it interesting to learn what brought others into sobriety, how it impacts their life and the people in it. Hence reading Katherine’s book.

Now, before you panic, thinking I’m about to suggest you give up alcohol in order to find success do not fear. I am just using Katherine as an example of how doing things differently can be transformational.

In her book, Katherine not only talks about her battle with booze, and how it affected her friends when she gave up, she also discusses how it is known, that when giving up alcohol, not every approach works for everyone. One person may benefit from going to AA meetings, another will find it sets them back, one person may be able to continue socializing very soon after quitting the booze, another person may need to avoid all places that serve alcohol for months or even years.

It is about finding an approach that works for the individual. Which I totally agree with, for all areas of life.

If you’re anything like I was, you may find when something isn’t working or not giving the desired results, the inner-critic emerges. It tells you that you’re not working hard enough and need to put in more effort.

But it’s often the case that when something doesn’t work, it’s not always because we are doing it wrong or being lazy, it could be that we are not doing what is right for us. We are following a recipe that was for someone else’s success.

An example of where this happened for me is in yoga. I’ve done yoga for over twenty years. I started practising to a) find inner-calm and balance and b) to help ease my ‘hairdressers back’ (after years of doing 12-hour standing days, in heels, it took its toll on my lower-back).

The promised inner-calm came quickly. In fact, after one yoga session I could feel a shift in my emotional health, but my back problem didn’t go away.

Although I gained incredible benefits from yoga, over the years of trying and ‘working harder’ at yoga poses (even qualifying as a yoga teacher) my back problem did not get resolved.

Many good teachers demonstrated poses that worked for their back problems or their students. I tried them. They didn’t work. I told myself it was because I wasn’t working hard enough or getting deeper into the poses. I thought I wasn’t being accurate in my positioning or that I needed to spend more time practising. My ego mind also got involved; telling me I needed to be more bendy and work to be like all the other yogis who could tie themselves into effortless knots.

It took me many years to learn that I had to do yoga asanas differently. If something isn’t right for my body, and its imbalances, it doesn’t matter how much I work to perfect a pose, I would never get the benefit that others got.

It is understandable why we tell ourselves we need to work harder. We are led to believe the only way to succeed at anything is through graft. And yes, hard work pays off, but only when we are doing what is right for us.

Now, I am not encouraging anyone to give up on their dreams because they are not happening quickly enough. Good things don’t always come easily. Some things take many years to manifest and the journey can be very enjoyable. But if it’s not working, a new approach may be needed.

We live in a ‘one-sized-fits-all world’. We are sold the ideas of miracle cures or easy ways of making money. ‘This worked for thousands of people, so it will work for you.’ But we are all different…

I have noted many times, in my writings, that what works for one will not always work for another. I learnt that through trial and error, and I am still learning it.

My ‘well-programmed’ brain does not always want to hear that I have to do things differently in order to succeed.

The brain likes to keep us safe. It thinks that by following the crowd it’s the safest route. It likes us to follow the rules laid out for everyone else because there’s less chance of danger and we’re not as vulnerable. And for some people, this works.

Some are very happy and successful by following the well-walked path. But if you’re not getting the desired results, and it doesn’t feel ‘right,’ maybe it’s time for a new plan?

It takes courage to move away from the herd. It takes bravery to step out of our comfort zone and do it differently. But trying different instead of harder is often the exact thing we need to see big changes happen.

It can apply to all areas of life too: diet, exercise, people, work, business, family life, etc. When one way isn’t working, there will always be another way to do it.

Now, if you are not sure where to start. A good way to uncover ‘new ways’, other than the usual internet searches, is by tuning into your inner-Empath-guidance.

The great thing is, as an Empath you have incredible intuition and an inner-knowing that few others can boast of. Use it to discover not only what you should be doing to find success, but what your real purpose is.

Spending quiet time listening to the intuitive mind, instead of the rational mind, is incredibly revealing. If you are not sure how to access your true Empath intuition this post will show you how.

Whilst we continuously do what is not a fit for us, we give our power away. So, when looking for success in life, if something isn’t working, instead of trying harder try different!

Until next time…

Diane

©Diane Kathrine

Living Free From the Fear of Failure & Judgement

Have you ever wondered how the fear of failure really impacts your life as an Empath?

What about the fear of being judged?

Have you ever considered the fact that by living in fear of what others think you are allowing them to control your destiny?

Some time ago I came across an article that really resonated with me. It was about a woman’s realization of how she had imprisoned herself with the fear of shame and failure. The business she owned had not been making any money for a long time. It was bleeding her dry. But because she was so worried of being labelled as a failure, she continued to fight to save the company.

By holding on, however, she was getting into more debt, becoming more stressed and unhappier. Being so caught up with the idea of being ‘seen’ as unsuccessful, she did not listen to the quiet voice within, telling her it was ok to let go. Instead, she was tortured by the loud irrational voice of her ego, telling her she must continue to hold on to her business at all costs, because failure was too shameful and she needed the business to justify her place in society.

When she eventually listened to the ‘quiet voice’, and filed for bankruptcy, she felt a huge relief and an incredible sense of freedom. Finally, she saw that it was her own judgement and fear of failure that had kept her imprisoned and not the business itself. Continue reading

Why Are So Many Empaths Awakening Now?

Have you noticed more and more people are discovering they are Empaths?

Have you ever wondered why?

It cannot be denied, there is a wave of Empaths who have awakened to who they are in recent years.

More and more are coming to understand that many of the challenges, they have faced throughout life, have come about because they are an Empath.

Why is this awakening happening now?

Good question. There has to be a reason. Right? Continue reading

Why Are Empaths So Easily Hurt By Criticism?

 

There is no escaping this simple fact of life, the majority of Empaths are easily hurt by the criticisms and judgements of others. In some cases, so much so, that it may prevent them from taking any creative risks in life.

The fear of criticism holds too many good Empath’s back.

But as the old saying goes:

The only way to avoid criticism is to say nothing, do nothing and be nothing.

And I doubt there are many Empaths who want to go through life doing nothing. Continue reading

30 Ways to Unleash Your Empath Power!

Sometimes we all need gentle reminders of ways we can help ourselves to live a happier, more empowered life.

But it’s also important to remember, we attract who and what we are. To draw more magnificence into your Empath life, it helps to develop a more magnificent way of being.

Here are 30 quick ways of being that can bring about incredible changes to your life, and unleash your hidden power, just by applying them: Continue reading

Uncovering Power Imbalances Within The Empath

Today, I want to address the subject of power imbalances within an Empath and the need to control what we feel.

As Empaths, many of our emotional sensations are amplified. We react to criticism much more than most and, when out of balance, we become incredibly oversensitive to everyday life situations.

Because of this, we may suffer with depression and are more open to attract depressive moods from others (like attracts like).

In my post: Why do Empaths have Such a Strong Sense of Belonging, I made reference to Empaths knowing when something is wrong in their surroundings, even if they don’t know exactly what it is.

The fact that so few people have control over their lives makes for a lot of unhappy people. Empaths pick up on the collective sense of dissatisfaction, whether they are aware of it or not, which can greatly affect their own moods. This can then trap them in negative thinking patterns.

As Empaths, we get down when it seems like we have no control of the way we feel. Which is understandable. Getting bombarded with the emotional energy of others (on top of our own emotions) is no fun, and it can certainly influence the way we operate.

What we pick up from others can shape our life, especially when we are not aware the emotional energy we are experiencing does not belong to us. (If you struggle with defining the emotional energy of others read this.)

But other people’s energy is not the only thing that can lead to emotional instability and a sense of power imbalance. Continue reading

How to Get Back in Control of Your Empath Life

Last month, I happened across a great piece in The Guardian about depression and mental health, that really struck a chord with me.

Basically, the article said that depression is not just about chemical imbalances, as it has been touted by the scientific and medical communities for many years, but more about power imbalances and a lack of control. (Even though it was not written with the Empath in mind, I recommend it. It’s quite enlightening.) Here is a link to the article:

Most Empaths and Sensitives are prone to having bouts of depression or low moods. Although we can often link these gloomy periods to spending time with overly negative people, being around those who act as trauma triggers, or eating unsuitable foods, etc. but power imbalances, and a lack of life-control is something we should also consider.

A lack of control being linked to depression makes total sense. Not having power in one’s life also equates to feelings of helplessness and the sense of walking aimlessly. When we feel we are not in control of our life, and have no direction it might also be said that we have no purpose.

Everyone needs purpose. To have a reason to get up in the morning, to do something not only that we enjoy but that we know we are good at. But how many people can make that claim? Not many. Most are stuck in jobs not for the joy or purpose it gives them, but for the pay-check.

Anyone who is creative and or intelligent (and I don’t just mean educated) are naturally inclined to want to be in control of their destiny and have a reason for being.

Granted, some think they would prefer others to make their decisions for them – often born from having a fear of making the wrong decision or a lack of belief in self – but someone else controlling our life or purpose will never bring happiness.

Over 80% of the workforce are unfulfilled and unhappy in their work. That’s a lot of people.

If we consider many people went into professions chosen by their parents, or they chose their careers before they got to know who they were, it makes total sense. After all, who knows at sixteen what they will want to do for the rest of their lives? Not many people.

We change so much from when in our teenage years to when we are in our thirties. This, I believe, is a reason that so many people find themselves unhappy in their work in later life. They didn’t choose their vocation or they chose too young.

The lack of life-control in society means we end up living in conflict. Inside, we want to do something that feels meaningful and gives us purpose. In reality, many are stuck working to pay for mortgages, bills and children, and to fund a lifestyle.

What we are told will make us happy rarely does, because one size does not fit all. And this is why so many people feel like they are not in control.

I often refer to myself as being a ‘quiet control freak’. And that is not because I secretly want to rule others or be on some kind of ‘power trip’ with them. It’s because I want to be in control of my life… at least as much as I can. I realise we can’t control everything. But I do want to control what I do, where I go and how my time is used, I also want to be in control of whose energy I’m in. So, I tend to have a problem if others try to control me or if their energy is overbearing. The ‘quiet’ comes in because instead of being argumentative or objectionable, with those who force control, I quietly back away.

Having a desire to control one’s life is not a bad thing. We are at the helm of our own ships and it is up to us to set our own course and destination. We should be able to do this when we are ready to do so (which is rarely at the age we are expected).

Not being in control can seem like a form of imprisonment, as can feeling forced to do work we have no passion for or interest in. That is not freedom. Humans are supposed to have freewill. We also need to know we have choices, even if we don’t choose to use them.

In the early years, many Empaths were made to feel small and insignificant by those around them. In a bid to overcome this we may have searched for positions of power or wealth, in adulthood, in the belief it would make us more in control or ‘untouchable’. But we cannot always control the way other people make us feel. So, even if we achieve great status, power and vast wealth, if we do not feel in control of how we feel, or if we are not following our true calling, a void remains inside.

The article I linked to above, an extract from Johann Hari’s book: ‘Lost Connections’, suggests that the depression most people experience is caused by our inner-self trying to raise our awareness that we are off-course. ‘It’s telling us that our natural psychological needs are not being met and it is a form of grief.’ Which I totally agree with.

We need to listen to our emotional signals and this is something I write a lot about:

By listening to our gut’s promptings and intuition it can save us unnecessary heartache. As an Empath, however, defining these signals is a challenge.

Because we feel everything so powerfully, it is difficult to discern the trigger of our own emotions, and those that belong to others.  But, speaking from experience, this is something we can all learn to overcome.

In the past, I have had times when I suffered with low moods or felt depressed, both of which pushed me to find the cause and make necessary changes to my life.

Nowadays, if I experience a gloomy mood, I can link it back to either eating a food I shouldn’t (normally containing high levels of lectins), having spent too much time in peopled places or around excess negativity (or there’s been intense shifts in energy).

Because I have learnt to interpret my own signals and triggers, I try to follow what is right for me. There is nothing worse than experiencing low moods unnecessarily.

If we are constantly down or depressed, these are our inner-messages telling us something is not right either with the path we are walking or the way we are living our lives.

If you regularly read my posts, you may already know I am a great believer that bad things happen for good reasons. We just don’t see it at the time. Depression can be a call for change, our change. But we have to question the feelings we experience and find the root-cause. Which will be different for everyone.

We need to focus on taking back our power and that starts with getting in control of what we can.

To live happily as Empaths, staying in control is something we must work on daily, otherwise the world, and the way it makes us feel, will swallow us up.

Because this is a vast subject and an area many Empaths struggle with, I will continue the theme in my next post. Read part two here.

But if you want to look at ways to take back control here are some posts that may help you on your way.

Are You Leaking Energy? 

What is an Empath’s Purpose?

Transform Your Empath Life with This One Thing

An Empath’s Guide

Hope this helps on your journey.

Until next time.

Diane

©Diane Kathrine

Why Do Empaths Have Such a Strong Sense of Not Belonging?

Too many Empaths go through life feeling like they don’t belong. It’s as though they have been dumped in a reality that is not a fit for them… So why is that?

Even before we discover who we are, as Empaths, we can feel like a giant square peg trying to squeeze into a tiny hole.

We look around at those who glide through life, following the rules laid down by society, who appear contented with the way the system operates and who slot in with others effortlessly. Even if they are unhappy, they never seem to question anything, nor find fault with ‘the way things work’. We may wonder why is it so easy for them to ‘fit in’ but not for us?

There are several reasons for this ‘sense of not belonging’ the Empath has; one of which being the way we ‘feel’. Continue reading

Why Do So Many Empaths Feel Unble to Connect With Others?


If you are one of the many Empaths who feel unable to make real connections with people, or with life itself, know that you are not alone and that there is a reason for it.

We don’t always realize, but life is a series of linked events; each one leading to the next, like the spots on a dot-to-dot puzzle. Yet, most are unaware that the seemingly random occurrences of life and a feeling of ‘disconnect’ are in any way pivotal to the course of our destiny…

Because the mind is kept so busy trying to make sense of life’s conundrums,  we are often kept from connecting the dots on our unique and mysterious life puzzle. Our Empath sensitivities may also prevent us from seeing how amazing our lives are, or how this sense of ‘disconnectedness’ serves us.

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The majority of us work hard trying to figure out life. We may wonder where our true purpose lies or we may constantly find ourselves looking at ways to better fit in with others. It may even feel like we are not on the ‘right path’.

Why do so many Empaths feel disconnected?

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It may certainly seem that the Empath is destined to go through life feeling off-course, unfulfilled, overwhelmed, or unable to connect. There are many things that come with being an Empath that makes them push people away: getting hurt easily, feeling others’ emotional pain, and being a beacon for other people’s problems being but a few. This in itself can lead to feelings of being disconnected.

It is easy to forget that we came here for a reason: to experience life as an Empath, and the many challenges that go with it, because we get distracted by the obstacles we face.

Empath life is often strenuous, painful, overly emotional, sometimes lonely and often comes with a huge sense of disconnect from others. Which is ironic considering we feel the energy of people so powerfully. But, when we allow ourselves to see it, Empath life is also enlightening, invigorating, electrically charged and a true gift.

Empaths can boast of life experiences few can expect to have. We feel things others don’t and we have a strong sense of intuition that will take us to all the right places, if we believe in it and follow its guidance.

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Sometimes, we purposely make life more difficult for ourselves, without realizing. And sometimes we allow ourselves to wallow in self-pity or we get stuck in victim mentality. We may also subconsciously choose to ignore what we need to do to keep us safe and sane on our journey. But the keys to our happiness and ‘reconnection’ are always there for us to find, when we are ready.

So, to get to the reason for not feeling connected to others: Being disconnected keeps us moving forward, looking for ways to better ourself or find the answers. If we were to feel extremely contented and comfortable in life, we would not look for ways to become empowered.

As an Empath, it is easy to see dark or challenging times as punishments, but when we come through the other side we always find an incredible gift inside the experience.

The experiences we have, really are unique, and every difficulty we have endured and overcome has catapulted us forward, shaping the course of our life.

When we connect the dots of our past, we  see a bigger picture emerge. Everything happens for a reason.  Even feeling disconnected shapes and changes us, pushing us towards evolvement.

Listen to your soul, tune into your intuition and don’t be afraid to make the changes you know that will reconnect you to your truth, purpose and happiness, and in turn others.

You may also find this post helpful: Why do Empaths have such a strong sense of not belonging?

Hope this helps on your journey… books for empath

Until next time.

Diane.

©Diane Kathrine

Why it’s Difficult to Explain Who You Are as An Empath

A question that has come up on my blog, and on Facebook, is how to better explain to others who we are as Empaths. Although I have written about the subject in the past, I feel it’s a good time to revisit the topic, because it can be such a frustrating part of Empath life.

When we awaken to our Empath ways, everything we’ve experienced emotionally and physically, when around people, finally makes sense. We understand our need for time alone, why we feel such crazy energy when in busy places, and why we experience such overpowering emotions when with certain people. We come to accept our ‘inner knowing’ as the incredible guiding force it is and stop fighting or ignoring the intuition that comes with it.

We often become so excited by our newfound knowledge that we want to tell the world. We have an explanation for all the inexplicable things we’ve experienced, throughout life, and we now know we are not the only ones. However, we quickly come to discover that discussing the ways of an Empath is no easy feat. Learning who we are, it would seem, was the easy part of the journey.

We may try to explain what we now know about our traits to others. The reasoning behind our Empath ways is so simple, why wouldn’t anyone else understand? But when we try to describe ourselves it doesn’t always go the way we hoped. And when we see others struggling to comprehend our explanations it causes us more frustration. We may then try to overexplain ourselves, struggling to find the key words to convince the other of our validity. Yet the more details we give the more discouraged we become. Sadly, the reason people don’t hear is not just because they don’t understand, but because too often their ears are closed to the subject.

Although we like to believe we live in a world of free speech, opinion and thought, it is clearly not the case (I do believe this is changing though. It tends to get worse before better). We regularly see those who don’t follow the herd, or agree with the majority, who are attacked or ridiculed. So, it is hardly surprising some Empaths fear talking openly about their traits.

People can be very closed-minded as well as fearful of acknowledging the minority. And it doesn’t help that the greatest prisons we live in is the fear of what others think of us. (Read why Empaths are hurt by criticism here).

If you’ve been an awakened Empath for some years, you will no doubt already know that explaining who you are and what you feel, can be gruesomely tricky. Most Empaths quickly come to realize that the subject of being ‘Sensitive to energy’ and the emotions of others is just too ‘out there’ for some people to consider.

The lack of interest about the ways of an Empath, may come as a surprise to the newly awakened. But the longer you walk this weird and wonderful path the more sense it makes.

Just because we are ready to accept who we are, does not mean those around us are. Even if they don’t verbalise their discomfort at our revelations, we always sense a lack of acceptance or a quiet rejection, even at it’s most subtle. Continue reading

What is the Real Connection Between an Empath and a Narcissist?


When I started writing for the Empath, back in 2011, there was very little material available on the subject, and this is what drove my compilation of  the ‘Traits of an Empath’. I wanted to help other Empaths understand who they were and discover why they felt all they did. I also wanted to share what had helped me.

It doesn’t seem so long ago that the word ‘Empath’ was a rarely mentioned term. But we can see how that’s changed in recent years. Thousands, if not millions, have discovered who they are as Empaths with all the information now available.

However, with this Empath uprising there also seems to have been an upsurge with the ‘dark side of sensitive’. This can be observed with the rise of the narcissist and those encompassing narcissistic traits.

What Makes a Narcissist?

Although the term narcissism originally stemmed from having extreme vanity, today it represents so much more:

The definition of a narcissist is: a psychological condition characterised by self-preoccupation, high self-esteem, a distinct lack of empathy, excessive self-admiration and a tendency towards selfish or resentful behaviours. But there are many more traits associated with this type of disposition such as: one-sidedness, a manipulative nature, unrealistic expectations of others, excess need for control, and a huge sympathy deficiency. In some cases, the traits of a narcissist match up with a psychopath.

The Empath Connection

Where you find an Empath, you often find a narcissist nearby… or at least those who display several narcissistic tendencies.

In fact, if an Empath takes a look into their past they normally see a pattern of people displaying the above traits throughout their lives.

There are some who would argue that an Empath and narcissist are two sides of the same coin. And although I certainly agree that both have heightened levels of sensitivity, they are expressed in opposite ways.

An Empath’s sensitive side may breed and feed their emotional pain, but it also contributes to their consideration, compassion, and abundance of empathy.

The narcissist’s sensitive side also contributes to their inner-pain, but in many cases, their wounds bred bitter, resentful and vengeful tendencies.

And when a narcissist is offended, it is often the result of a wounded ego as opposed to a pained soul — as in the Empath’s case. Continue reading

Does an Empath Lead a Double Life?

If you are an Empath, there is a good chance you go through life feeling like you lead a double life. Why? because too often, you end up wearing a ‘mask’ when spending time with certain others.

When I say mask, I’m not talking literally. I simply mean not being one’s true self.

Wearing a mask is a common theme for all humans, but as  most Empaths tend to detest inauthenticity, it may seem a little weird.

I recently read that the Japanese believe that everyone has three faces: The face we show the world, the face we show our family and close friends, and the face we show no one.

It is our hidden face which is apparently our truest reflection.

Many Empaths will probably admit that the only time they are their truest self is when at home or when alone.

But there is a good reason an Empath may hide the truth of themselves behind a mask when with certain people… and it’s not to get them to like us. Continue reading