One thing all Empaths will have endured at some point on their journey is a person who behaves in a narcissistic way. For some, however, it is part of their everyday life.
When I use the term narcissist target, in the headline, I am referring to anyone who has been on the receiving end of a narcissist’s attention. This can be via their initial charm through to their lies and manipulation.
But the question has to be, why do Empaths so often end up in the firing line?
One explanation is because of the ‘light’ an Empath carries inside. It’s a light that might be considered, by certain individuals, as a weakness or something that can be controlled. Yet that isn’t the only reason. Before we come to that, we will take a quick peek at the traits of a narcissist.
Traits of a Narcissist
Some of the better-known traits are: high self-esteem, a distinct lack of empathy, excessive self-admiration and a tendency towards selfish or resentful behaviours. But there’s more…
One-sidedness, a manipulative nature, unrealistic expectations of others, an excess need for control, and a huge sympathy deficiency can also fall under the same umbrella. It is these traits that often cause problems for the Empaths.
Why Empaths Attract Narcissists
Over the years, I have discussed the subject of why narcissists attract Empaths and vice versa in other posts and books (here, here, and here). It is my belief that although at opposite ends of the spectrum, both Empaths and narcissists are sensitive people and highly reactive.
Like attracts like. Sensitive attracts sensitive. Yet, one of the biggest reasons why Empaths are so often targeted and end up in the firing line of those with a narcissistic personality is because of their keen observational skills.
The Reflecting Empath
An Empath doesn’t just listen to a person’s dialogue, they observe tone and usage of words, they notice body movements, facial expressions, and they see things that others try to mask. This causes an issue for those who do not want to be ‘seen.’ Particularly when they are hiding something.
A narcissist never wants to be wrong, never wants to be seen as the ‘bad guy’ and wants others to think highly of them. But an Empath often acts like a mirror. Even if they don’t point out the narcissist’s concealed traits verbally, they will be reflected back. (This is discussed more in the Mirror of the Empath.) An Empath reflects truth. They will see it hidden behind any façade, no matter how tightly knitted.
If the finely polished veneer of a narcissist is threatened in any way, especially with exposure, they will attack. They often concoct outlandish stories to discredit an Empath, or anyone who reveals their truth, and blame them for the actions that they carried out themselves. They target those considered a threat.
Generally, a narcissist will not face the truth of who they are, if it makes them appear wrong or in any way a bad person. They convince themselves that it is everyone else who is at fault.
Even if you have a strong repulsion towards narcissists, and avoid them like the plague, you can still be on the receiving end of their wrath, or end up as a target. Narcissists like to be praised and feel special. They want respect and if they are not shown it, they tend to lash out. If you have bruised a narcissist’s ego, by not giving them the respect they think is deserved, then expect to face a backlash.
The Good News
The good news is that narcissists can work as a catalyst on an Empath’s journey. Although it will not feel like it at the time, but anything that ignites insecurities, emotional injuries, victim mentality or personal challenges, can also push an Empath towards transformation. The darkness reveals the inner light. It encourages us to work on ourselves, which in turn takes us to a higher vantage point.
It is often the case that the more challenges an Empath faces the wiser they become and the greater their understanding of life.
I am certainly not suggesting that constant suffering is the perfect formula for enlightenment, but we come to a point when we understand why we have endured such difficulties. We can then see how they shaped us into becoming better people.
Avoiding Excessive Emotional Reactions
Life really is an obstacle course. It gives rise to many uncomfortable and painful experiences. However, if we have an emotional reaction to everything a narcissist, or anyone else, says or does then we put ourselves on a fast-tracked path to self-destruction.
We have to train ourself out of excessive emotional reactions, avoid wallowing in our own misery and not be tempted into revenge. Not that revenge is ever on an Empath’s radar, but it is very easy to think, ‘I’ll show them.’ Or to have the belief that if I say or do nothing, they are getting away with it. This will just lead to more lies and more attacks. We must not forget there is a greater force than ourselves at work that creates balance… Karma.
Having been observing the world for many years, I have seen the law of attraction and karma work over and over. People may seem to get away with treating others atrociously, then, suddenly, karma catches up.
Everything goes around. Karma keeps each of us responsible for our behaviour.
Dealing with the Problem
So, finally, the question is, what can we do about being a narcissist target? Well, one thing is for sure, we will not change the mind of a narcissist, or those who have an over-inflated ego, if it makes them to appear wrong. If they have decided it is us who is at fault, it is unlikely we will get them to admit otherwise. We can only change ourself and our reactions. Take back our power.
The best way to react is with no reaction and don’t be drawn into conflicts designed to pull you down or make you feel bad. Now, when I say react with no reaction, I am not saying lie down and let someone trample all over you. Simply walk away. Avoid feeding your fear or pain by getting upset at the lies they may spread.
When you continuously focus on something or someone your attention feeds the energy. Remember: where your focus goes your energy flows.
Life really is too short to waste your precious time on those who steal your joy and drain your energy.
When you walk away or show no interest in their lies, they move on. The more lives they touch, with manipulative ways, the sooner their truth is revealed.
By avoiding excessive emotional reactions, it also helps keep one’s vibration raised. Yes, I know, easier said than done. But by getting in control of the mind and working to stay grounded, it helps us better control our emotional reactions. (This is where mind-stilling though breathing techniques, meditation and yoga can come in handy.)
Stay in gratitude and it will keep you in a ‘higher space.’ Keep pushing forward! Stay in your light and don’t let anyone extinguish it!
Next time we delve a little deeper into the increase in Empath emotional reactions.
Until next time.
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