Is it Time to Let Them Go?


Being in harmony with people is essential to an Empath’s health and wellbeing. So, it should go without saying that as Empaths we should be extra vigilant of not only whom we allow into our life but also those we allow to stay.

This issue isn’t about being egotistical or ‘special’, and it’s not about thinking we’re too good for some people. It’s about letting go of those who constantly make us feel bad, who drain our energy and suck the joy from our life. And that should probably include the people who are angry or bitter towards us, those who attack or lie about us to others and those who seem to enjoy seeing us suffer.

Sadly, the people this includes is most often adult family members or friends who we would have, at one time, considered close.

Unfortunately, most people manage to invoke an emotional response within the Empath at some point, and it is often the kindest of people who carry the most pain. If we were to let go of all those who ignited an undesirable emotional reaction, we would probably be left with no one in our life. Occasionally being triggered or feeling another’s pain is nothing compared to what certain people can make an Empath feel, especially those who seem to thrive on ‘all things negative’.

Super-charged-negative people can drain your energy within a matter of minutes of being in their presence. Too often, you end up wearing the energy of these people for days after exposure. And nothing you try seems to prevent their dark vibes seeping into your aura.

Because an Empath cares and has deep empathy for those suffering, they tend to avoid doing anything that, they consider, may cause pain to others. Even to those who refuse to change and have allowed their unhappiness to make them bitter and angry and who blame the world for their unhappiness. It is for this reason many Empaths keep in their lives those who cause them great unhappiness.

Empaths often feel they have a responsibility to help others help themselves to change. But many of those people do not want to change and, although they may protest otherwise, they actually enjoy living under a cloud of negativity.

It might sound selfish to suggest that one must always put the emotional health of self first, but it’s true. We have a responsibility to keep our body and mind healthy. If another continually causes you stress it will eventually make you ill (continuous stress causes illness).

If a food or substance made you violently ill or caused you to feel depressed, you would likely avoid it; the same should be applied to those who cause you emotional turmoil or those who take pleasure in putting or keeping you down.

 

You may learn from bad experiences, but you don’t need to keep experiencing another person’s negativity to grow.

Why do Empaths get so badly affected by the negativity of others?

Most Empaths tend to continuously work on making themselves better people. When you work on yourself, and make any positive changes to your mind, body or spirit, you become cleaner and purer. Your vibration then speeds up and anything of a lower vibration can feel plain awful… and that includes negative people.

Another fact that has to be taken into consideration is that when you vibrate in a ‘higher space’ it can cause a reaction in those around you. People sense change, whether it is visually apparent or not. They feel when another has changed or stepped up their frequency and some don’t like it.

You have probably already noticed that when in an emotionally low place, some friends prefer you that way. Yet when you make changes and put yourself in a high vibrating space, those same friends don’t like it. They may try to bring you back down and attempt to extinguish your inner-light and happiness.

Because not everyone is ready to raise their vibration they may try to draw you back down to their level and they can do this through snide remarks or mean behaviour. Some still have lessons to learn at their level and are not ready to move forwards, but they may resent the fact that you are.

The purpose of an Empath’s suffering

The further I travel down this road, the more I see the higher purpose served behind the dark behaviours displayed in people.

When we endure difficulties, by experiencing challenging situations or relationships, we eventually come to realise what we need to change for our own growth and development.

We can learn so much from the bad behaviour of others. Even if it’s as simple as developing the courage to say no, or believe in one’s own self-worth, let go of the need to be in control or to finally walk away from those who continually make us feel bad.

Any undesirable behaviour that repeats, in any type of relationship, is something that needs to be investigated. Repetition highlights flaws or issues that need to be worked on and learnt from. We all learn from the bad situations presented in life. But if the same emotional scenarios keep playing out, no one is gaining, learning or growing from the situation and it is time to cut the cord. (If others truly care and want to keep you in their life they will work to change their ways.)

Once you have learned from an experience you don’t need to re-learn it over and over. You may learn from bad experiences, but you don’t need to keep experiencing the same peoples’ bad behaviour to grow.

This is not about being spiteful or uncaring. You can be grateful for all they have shown you in life and still keep the love you have for them. But if you know in your heart that a relationship is doing you more harm than good and it feels time to let them go, then it is probably time to let them go.

Hope this helps on your journey.

Until next time…

Diane.

©Diane Kathrine

 

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20 thoughts on “Is it Time to Let Them Go?

  1. Thank you for this post. It’s very educational and liberating at the same time. My soul resonates with your explanations and advice. I so appreciate the work you have done and placing in reach to those who struggle with this gift.
    The most interesting part is I read that you used to be a Hair Stylist and I am currently a Stylist and have been for 25 years. I am struggling with transitioning over to counseling and leaving the cosmetology field. Counseling and community service is at the core of my being and I feel as if Hair Styling is one of the things that has prepared me for Counseling. Can you please provide any advise on how to transition? I have gotten accepted to a reputable school but I feel a sort of obligation to my clients. Signed, I know it’s time to transition….

    • Thanks for your comment, Ron.

      When I knew it was time to leave hairdressing, I made a clean break. Although, I actually went part time before leaving completely, so many of my clients had been gradually moving over to other stylists in the salon. I totally understand the obligation and guilt you feel towards your own clients.

      The best advice I could offer is keep listening to your intuition/gut in regards to the transition, and the steps you should take will automatically unfold… It is when we ignore our inner-guidance that things get uncomfortable.

      Any type of change is both challenging and scary. But keep in mind how many people you will help as a councillor. When the time feels right to change, it is generally time to change.

      Best of luck with your new career. 🙂

  2. I really appreciate this post. I am going through this with a few people in my life. It has always been hard for me to let people go because I care so much about their feelings, but I am growing stronger in my ability to stand up for myself and my own needs. It helps me a lot to get into a good place energetically before I see people and then I can tell if their energy and vibe works with mine in a positive way.

  3. I am loving this post, thank you 🙏🏻 I also wrote something similar about letting go of some people that I deeply cared about. It took me almost two years to find the power and the courage to end a draining friendship but I have no words to describe the feeling of relief that I had. It literally felt like a huge rock was lifted from me. Even though that might sound selfish it was one of the best feelings I ever had. Surprisingly, the friendship ended in good terms, the other person respected my motives and choice and we still keep in touch once in a while but at a minimum level, which is best for both of us

  4. As always, insightful and beautifully timed! In your experiences have you had situations where on the surface there was love and kindness…but felt the undercurrent was that of anger and resentment? I’ve found that in letting go of some relationships it made no sense on the surface…that even if someone is being kind it is still as draining as those are on the other end of the continuum. Can someone be drained from another’s kindness? Your experiences have always been such a guidepost for myself and others!

    • Hi Marisha,

      The Empath always feels the truth. They sense that which lies beneath what another shows. So yes, if someone is displaying kindness, yet that is not their true intention and they are acting inauthentically, it is incredibly draining to an Empath. When this is the case it can affect the Empath in many strange ways and one’s positive traits can appear to be replaced by negative traits. Luckily, these morphing-trait-changes are only temporary.

      Also, kindness can actually be masking neediness and dependence which, if this is the case, will be incredibly draining. True kindness, with no hidden agenda, tends to feel lovely and uplifting.

      In my own experience, when I have had to let someone go it is not a decision I have made lightly (we are a loyal bunch after all). And like with yourself, sometimes on the surface it might not make sense to others. But letting go of those who have repeatedly brought me down has had an incredibly positive impact on my life…

      Hope this helps answer your question.

      Thanks for sharing. 🙂

      • Regarding what you’ve said, that we always feel the truth and that we know when someone is lying or deceiving. I personally get so mad when I sense a lie. For example, when I ask someone if they are ok and they say they are but they actually aren’t I get filled with anger because I know the truth. It makes me so angry that I could turn the conversation into a fight in just 1 second. Obviously I am aware that no one needs to be honest if they don’t want to but I wish I could control my reactions towards lies. Any tips and insight would be amazing 🙏🏻

      • Totally understand that anger response. Makes you understand the saying ‘ignorance is bliss’.

        The only advice I could offer on the subject is to breathe through it and/or walk away from the one lying. For me, understanding that we can’t change others, we can only change ourselves and our own reactions, helped.

        For many years, I could not understand why people found it ok to lie rather than admit the truth (still do at times with certain people) or admit when they are wrong. But it really is a weakness on their part and the problem is theirs to deal with.

        We are all accountable for our actions and words (most people don’t get that though, they think if they got away with lying, they got away with it). It takes bravery to speak the truth or admit to being wrong. But being able to do it is like having a super power and is liberating.

        Whilst people continue to lie and cheat they are trapped in their own little hell, and I would not want to wish that hell on anyone.

        Hope this helps.

      • Thank you so much for your advice Diane. You are right, we must take care of our own reactions since there is nothing we can do if someone is lying to us. I’m still working on breathing through it, walking away or changing the conversation. I don’t know why it’s so hard for me but it’s a work in progress. I would like to believe I am making baby steps each day. I hope you have an amazing day

  5. Thank you for your article. Very true for me .
    I live with a health condition that I live with very well , no medication simply healthful living . How ever if I’m with people that are negative or wanting to scapegoat me for their pain I can be in immense physical pain . I have had to let go of family members and others who are not on of the same energy wavelength. It has been hard but I have to to live my life, peaceful, kind and caring but to my self first.
    Thanks again Diane.

  6. Great post and awesome advice.
    Interesting timing because I recently had this issue the good friend. He’s constantly negativity was bringing me down. Granted he recently lost his wife. But as an empath I felt compelled to be there for him and to help him through his time of grief. But I realised I could not help him and he was also on heavy medication and as a result often did not reply to my text messages this was starting to have a negative effect on my mental health and well-being. And so at the risk of sounding horrible I felt I had to stop having a relationship with him.

  7. Thank you so much for this post. I always gain so much valuable information from your posts. This has really helped with a situation I’ve been going through. It is painful to do but at the same time, the energetic draining pain has been greatly reduced.

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