Why Do Empaths Have Such a Strong Sense of Not Belonging?

Too many Empaths go through life feeling like they don’t belong. It’s as though they have been dumped in a reality that is not a fit for them… So why is that?

Even before we discover who we are, as Empaths, we can feel like a giant square peg trying to squeeze into a tiny hole.

We look around at those who glide through life, following the rules laid down by society, who appear contented with the way the system operates and who slot in with others effortlessly. Even if they are unhappy, they never seem to question anything, nor find fault with ‘the way things work’. We may wonder why is it so easy for them to ‘fit in’ but not for us?

There are several reasons for this ‘sense of not belonging’ the Empath has; one of which being the way we ‘feel’.

Considering the main trait of an Empath is being able to feel as well as experience the emotions of others, you would think this would give us a greater connection to those around us… but that often isn’t the case.

We can tell when another is feeling nervous, when one is angry or sad. We can feel when someone is being untruthful, or when they are pretending to be something they’re not, we can even pick up on others’ physical pain. We may understand another by how they feel, but it doesn’t mean we like or accept their ways, and it doesn’t stop the sense of alienation we feel. The gift of the Empath is to feel both good and bad.

Granted, not everyone would consider the ability to experience every Tom, Dick and Harry’s emotional energy as a gift. In fact, some would say quite the opposite. But it is who we are and it is what we feel that sets us apart.

Most Empaths only come to discover who they are, as a Sensitive, after an intense awakening or by going through challenging times.

And because of this rude awakening, we may struggle to deal with our emotions and the emotions of others. We may take on too much and then, as a result, suffer with overwhelm, fatigue and a host of other strange anomalies. Being around people is then not tolerated well and we need to spend more time alone. Which only further intensifies this ‘strong sense of not belonging.’

Although we can’t see it at the time, these dark trying times are like an initiation. They are meant to happen and they are meant to challenge us in the most hideous of ways… which also happens to set us further apart from the world.

As Empaths, we have to go through the dark to find the light. And what I mean by this is when we endure difficult times and work to change ourselves for the better, we become better people. Dark times are precursor to change.

The good that comes to us in life is often the result of something bad happening.

But still, that doesn’t really answer the question of why so many Empaths feel like they don’t belong here…

Although we are all on a journey with our own lessons to learn, I believe we have the sense of not belonging as a way to prevent us from standing still.

We are meant to keep moving forwards, we are meant to continue to learn (and unlearn), and seek out our own truth. And in searching for ‘our place’ in life, and a sense of belonging, it keeps us working towards bettering ourselves in every way. We become stronger, healthier, our empathy increases and we eventually come to the point where we stop looking outside ourselves for answers and go within.

Society is constantly dictating to us, trying to tell us how to think, how we should be educated and what we need to make us happy. But what society tells us will make us happy really won’t and the Empath KNOWS that… Even if on the surface level they don’t yet realise.

We are not all supposed to look, think and feel the same. We are each unique (even as Empaths) and we are meant to have our own experience of discovery. But we are lied to all the time and made to feel insecure and insignificant.

It is hardly surprising then that, as Empaths, we feel like we don’t belong. We sense the hidden lies, and manipulation, all around us (which makes finding ‘our truth’ an even greater challenge). It is hard to feel right in a world where everything feels so wrong!

The strong sense of not belonging can even be attributed to us not belonging to ourselves…

There is, however, a silver lining, because the farther down this road we walk, the more sense the journey makes. As long as we keep working on ourself, keep believing in ourself, listen to our inner-voice and our own truth we will see it and come to understand the reason for all that we feel…

You may not fit in with the outside world but as long as you fit in with you, you will find your place and your sense of belonging (be true to yourself).

Good things don’t happen overnight but they do happen!

Until next time…


©Diane Kathrine


42 thoughts on “Why Do Empaths Have Such a Strong Sense of Not Belonging?

  1. Thank you! I just found your website and am reading the info and it’s wondrful! I discovered I was an empath a few years ago but didn’t persue understanding it too much because of school and horrible real life realizations. It hasn’t been until I came to realize MANY truths that I’ve been able to truly let go and heal.

    Truths like I was born into a family of MANY psychopaths yet never allowed to know this truth for decades. Seeking help from professionals who simply sent me back into the lions den telling me to try harder. Marrying one and giving birth to more, expending all my energy trying to understand why I was so depressed and why I felt so worthless.

    I get it much more fully now but with even more horrible truth about what’s going on in the world at large I feel it’s too late. It would have been nice to enjoy myself and the wonderful things about being an empath prior to knowing too much truth.

  2. Wow.
    Your word’s toutched me deeply.. Especially by the recognition of what you wrote about *Why empaths doesn’t fit in *
    Remarcable insight of wisdom you share 🙏🏼👌🏽👍🏼
    Thank you so much for that! 🙏🏼

    Makes me not feel all alone..

    As an epath.. Who doesn’t fit in anywhere..

  3. Thanks for sharing. I have recently discovered I am an empath. I always knew just didn’t know the word. I have been searching for others like me to have a sense of belonging. I appreciate the information you have given.

  4. I’m glad I don’t fit in – thank the Creator. My gifts are are a blessing! I can spend all day hanging out with my cat or being on the land. I am not drained – I am filled up with light.

  5. Too often many of my new empath friends have cried to me. Asking “whats wrong with me? am I crazy?” I do my best to comfort them and tell them how unique they are with the gifts they have. But even in the Empath/Psychic community It can be hard to fit in. When I first realized I was an empath, I met so many other cool empaths with amazing abilities. But, after a short while I started to feel like I fell short in the “abilities” category. For me, there is no indicator light to tell me its working, I can only know its working by how it affects others when I help them.
    But I know each of us are unique, and there are no two of us alike. Its beautiful. We are different from the rest, but also beautifully different from each other in our own way.
    I am glad to see Empaths support each other wherever I go, even on many of the websites I am on.
    Thank you for sharing this, Good vibes, light and love to you.

  6. I’ve always felt people’s emotions,I thought I was just crazy like my phycic grandma. I have felt like I didn’t belong on this planet and prayed GOD take me now. I know now we all have a place and importance in this universe. I fight depression which is probably from others around me I just realized that . funny huh? Air hugs of positive energy to you Diane and all the others like us you are not alone and I am not alone anymore😊

  7. Pingback: Why Do Empaths Have Such a Strong Sense of Not Belonging? - Mss Natural Beauty

  8. Thank you Diane. Just had a meltdown and was drawn to read your message. It completely explained what I am feeling and going through AT THIS VERY MOMENT. Sometimes I revert to thinking I’m crazy, worthless, and alone in this world…the way the outside world has always labeled me. Your message pulled me back from the edge and I can feel the darkness lifting. Bless you for being a lamp in the dark.

  9. Pingback: Why Do Empaths Have Such a Strong Sense of Not Belonging? | Lifevee

  10. Thank you…I needed to desperately hear that…Life can be so hard sometimes…especially not fitting into a world I constantly question and despise how people choose to value the inconceivable things instead of what’s really important: people, loved ones. Gnite

  11. I realized I was an empath at age 56!!!! I wish I’d known sooner. I do feel like a misfit. I find other people very shallow, harsh, and judgmental. (I’m judgmental too, but not shallow!) People who don’t “read” others have a tendency to label them or sort them into little boxes.

  12. Oh my gosh, do I know this feeling of never fitting in. I see it in my head as me standing outside a red barn type building and looking through a window to see everyone inside having fun, and relating to one another. All the while, I’m outside, looking in, trying to figure out why I don’t fit with those people! It’s been a struggle as far back as third grade! I have very few friends and find I often isolate myself at home, because it’s easier; lonely, but easier. It’s made life difficult, even in the sense of finding a man who understands me, however, I wouldn’t give up my sensitive, empathic, loving, compassionate self for anything! It’s what makes me, me!

    • You said it!! I never got married, although I’ve fallen in love numerous times. I don’t regret it. Even though it’s been lonely, I’ve been able to be ME all these years. I know who I am, what I want, what I think. When I get involved with a man, I tend to lose myself a little. And as for your red barn, I suspect that many people are NOT having a good time in there. They just appear to be. Maybe I’m just bitter and angry, but I find those “other” people to be shallow, greedy, and exhausting to be around.

    • I understand completely, and I’m 33 and just discovered my Empath situation. In high school, I was a very depressed and sad teen. I still did well in school, but I always felt separated from my peers and I never understood their simple happiness or where it came from when I would watch groups of friends laughing and having a good time with each other. I was more of a one friend at a time kind of person and it was pretty much all I could handle. I would write poetry, and in one of them, there is a line that reads, “I see the world, but I am not in it. I try to walk towards the world, and it only evades me.”
      As for finding a man, I will admit I’ve been lucky in love, although we have had a rough road. After bring together for 17 years, we are now married with children, and even without knowing I’m an empath, my hubby seems to understand my need for space. He never questions it, he just lets me have my time and come to him when I’m ready. In fact, I’ve noticed that by being in public WITH him, I feel somewhat shielded. He is a big guy, but very calm and sturdy, and looking back on it all, I find that when I’m in public without him, I’m more open to attacks. When I am with him, I’m more emotionally stable and calm. I feel lucky now, not just in love, but lucky to have found a man who was made just for me.

      • Just discovered this on a site explaing how to Love and Understand an Empath, it makes total sense as to why I always seem to be literally Hanging off of my hubby when we’re out together.
        “Places such as supermarkets, nightclubs, the cinema or anywhere where there is a large crowd of people, will be very draining for an empath. They are very sensitive to light and sound, so these things can also have a detrimental and draining effect on an empath’s psyche. An empath will likely need to hold on to their partner’s hand or arm during such occasions, finding that their partner’s energy forms a soothing welcome block and temporary release from the energies that surround.”

  13. Took me a long time to realize that I am an empath. The biggest struggle for me was and is my inability to fit in. The fit in with the rest never worked for me. Once I discovered I was an empath and informed myself of exactly what an empath is I understood. I still struggle with this side of an empath but understanding why I don’t just fit in has opened up a whole new world for me. Good article well written.

  14. I only realized I am an Empath less than two years ago and it’s been a real eye opener. Prior to this awakening I blamed my sense of not belonging on the trauma of my childhood. However with this new knowledge I understand far better who I am and why certain emotions cling to me. It’s a journey that has no end as enlightenment goes hand in hand with the journey. Now that I know the truth of ME I can handle certain ‘happenings ‘ much easier and am not so hard on myself. With undersTanding comes a kind of freedom.

  15. I lived most of my life as an empath without realizing I was. Imaginé going through life without knowing was a torchering experience. Luckily through a dream I realized I was an empath.

  16. As always, your posts are meaningful and helpful. They act as guideposts of reassurance to continue growing inward and trusting in one’s self. This is not a message shared by many, or often is clouded in personal agenda. Thank you for taking the time to share such powerful and impactful information and doing so in a thoughtful fashion.

  17. Thank you Diane for your great post . It’s so true that we keep on growing and learning and as you say it does get easier as we look back it all makes sense . But at the time of moving through and letting go can feel like you are actually going to die but it’s the patterns of learned dysfunctional behavior that dies not you .

    I wish the same for you health happiness and harmony .

  18. Goodness me, this article took me aback…… hitting the nail on the head is a complete understatement. I feel like a complete misfit in this crazy world and know that I need to spend as little time as humanely possible with other people in order to keep my inner peace and calm (and therefore the the anxiety and fatigue at bay). Thank you so much for writing this article, it means a lot to know that someone somewhere gets it.

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