When I woke this morning, like many other mornings, I felt low, unsure what emotional pain the day would bring.
Yes, it’s come to the stage where I’m expecting to endure some kind of torment every day. As my mind sprang into action, my thoughts wandered to just how long we’ve straddled this ‘Inbetween’ stage of ascension. It feels like it’s getting on for an eternity since I, personally, entered this place of ‘nothingness’. And as much as I try to stay focused and positive, I have days, like today, when I’ve simply had enough.
It’s lonely, dark, painful, both physically and mentally, constricting, imprisoning and it can feel like there’s going to be no escape. Even when things start to look up and we allow ourselves a glimpse of excitement that the veil is finally being lifted and we’re being released from our prison, ready to step into the new world, we find ourselves being sucked back into the no-man’s land of the Inbetween…where the waiting begins again.
Sometimes (or rather most of the time), it feels like the past 5 to 10 years have just been spent waiting: waiting for things to get better, waiting for the rest of the world to wake up, waiting to find our calling or purpose in life, waiting for the New World to arrive, waiting for peace and happiness to be ever present, and now…waiting to leave the Inbetween.
I don’t think any of us really mind the waiting, we’re patient enough, but what is becoming unbearable is all this emotional pain that has entered our lives, it makes the physical pain seem like a tickle. We are even questioning whether we will ever be happy again.
In this place, we are neither attached to the old world nor the new. We knew we would be leaving the old, but I’m not sure anyone would expect we’d end up here, in this void. Frustratingly, we still see others operating within the ‘old world’, seemingly unaware of anything being different (other than the recession, but then recessions have always been part of the world, as are ups and downs). To those, seemingly unaware of The Shift, we probably look as though we’ve just fallen on hard times. That’s if they even give us a second thought, we’re probably so far off their radar, that they don’t know we exsist. We couldn’t go back to our old lives if we wanted to, but still, we carry the memories of what that life was about, we may not have liked it but we knew how to operate there and now, we are no longer part of it. And yet, the new has still not arrived, at least it doesn’t look that way. We’re not even really sure what our ‘promised land’ will look like, but having spent more than enough time in the Inbetween, we know this is not it.
It is difficult to keep the faith in these times, very difficult. We keep expecting things will get better, only for things to get worse (or at least that is our perception of it). What initially brought us to this place, has long since left our lives. It is easy for us to doubt all that we previously believed. On some days it can feel like we’re in Hell and question what on earth we did wrong to be punished in this way? And have we just made a very bad choice in coming here?
I have read many articles and books which say we are dying whilst we are still alive, which kind of makes sense. In death, we normally leave the body and all that gave us that certain life experince (pain, emotions, ego) and this experience, does indeed feel like the body, emotions, ego and former life are being stripped away from us whilst we’re still in it/them. Being stripped is never going to be a painless event. Think of when you strip a plaster off the skin…ouch!
As I sit here tapping at my keyboard, I’m being reminded we are ‘Warriors of Light’ and are not being punished or given more than we can handle, because we have handled it, every day. We have put one foot in front of the other and kept pushing, pushing, pushing forward. It’s like walking through treacle… sticky, restricting, uncomfortable and dark, but we’re doing it.
Over and over we keep getting through each hour, day, week, month and year. And, although it may not have felt like it, we have indeed been looked after. Somehow, we all got by and what has got many of us this far, is the knowing that we are not doing this alone, many Warriors of Light are out there enduring exactly the same thing, and for that knowledge, we can thank the Internet.
So this post today is just a message to anyone that may have happened across it (and myself), to say that yes, we are going through hell. Yes, we are in more pain than we ever thought we could handle. Yes, some days it feels like it’s never going to end. And yes, we feel alone, more alone than ever before. We have questioned our sanity and at times, we are not even sure whether we can or will survive it all. But we will prevail, we have already.
We maybe at our lowest ebb, hanging on to our last nerve, using our last shred of our willpower just to exist. We are in our darkest hour, screaming for the light, and as cliché as it may sound, that is exactly what we need to remember: ‘The Darkest Hour Comes Before The Light’. We are Warriors of the Light, enduring what we came here to do, we just need to hang in there a little longer… All is coming…